It's 5:30 am...Kayleigh's back in bed asleep after decided to make 4 am her wake up time for the day. I'm guessing she's not quite ready to give up her 10 pm feeding...oh well. I think I am becoming a morning person. Amazing what a child can change about you! I actually enjoy the early morning time after I put Kayleigh back to sleep. I never thought I could function before 8 am, but here I am putting words into sentences. Enough on that!
My second week as a stay-at-home mom has been great. I joined a couple women's groups at our church, MOPS (mother of preschoolers) and JOY. I had so much fun meeting new faces, which surprised me because I usually clam around new people. I don't know how long I'll be able to go to these, since I'm planning on doing childcare. I'm going to enjoy them while I can though.
Do you ever just want to be selfish? Do you daydream about all the stuff you could do if you didn't have to worry about anyone else? Please say you do, so I don't feel bad! I'm really dragging my feet on this childcare business because I want to just be a mom. I don't want to give up MOPS and JOY. I want to just be with Kayleigh and not have to worry about three other kids. I don't know why I all of a sudden have this desire to be your typical Flowerplex soccer mom, but I do. And I know all these desires are not bad in themselves, but they are not what is best for our family. I need to make some money and the best way for be to do that is care for other children in our home. I always thought I was a homebody, but now the prospect of not being able to go anywhere is driving me nuts.
Well....I need some more sleep! Love to everyone!
2 comments:
Michelle, I think every woman goes through the same feelings you are having and I don't think they come so much from selfishness, but perhaps from fear. The fear of losing ones self, as in our identity, the fear of isolation, the fear of not being able to communicate to another adult without slipping into child-speak and perhaps the biggest fear...not feeling valued as an individual without the attachment of wife, mommy, childcare provider, house keeper, cook, laundress, etc. Sometimes spending time by yourself can be most frightening, we're not always sure if we will like ourselves. How will we know, unless we take the time to simply "be still and know.."
My encouragement to you would be: Don't give in and accept the 'world's' definition of who you should be and what you should be doing. Accept the gift God has given you, the season you are in and embrace it all with the full appreciation that you are a valuable woman of God. Not for what you do, what you have, what you look like; not for anything that society has establised as value, but because you belong to God and He loves you just as you are! And when you do begin your childcare, reach out to other adults even if it's via phone or e-mail as a way to be edified, encouraged and supported by others who share the same season you are in.
love you so much!
Okay Michelle..... I am going to come visit you at your house. Maybe the week after this. This week I still can't drive (c section) but after that I should be all good. I want to see your new house, see your lil cutie, steal those newborn diapers from you :) and just talk to u. So many things you said in that blog (GOOD BLOG!!!!!) were things I feel. So how is MOPS? I want to join that too but I don' tknow if i missed a cut off date or something. hey also what is your email now that u don't work at LISD anymore? Email me at BLNDNT@aol.com k? Take care!
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