Whew! What a week!

Justin had to go to San Diego for work this week and I volunteered to teach VBS at our church. Monday had me questioning the wisdom of teaching while Justin was out of town. Getting the kiddos out the door by 8:15 am was rough, and getting home at 1 pm was even rougher. We made it through the week and I have to say I am so glad I volunteered!

Before Kayleigh was born I taught Sunday school....children's ministry has been a part of my life since I was about 11. My mother directed the children's church program at our old church. My siblings and I were kinda volunteered to help out, since for some reason nobody likes to serve in this area. Don't get me started on that one.....I just can't understand why a large church, including the one we currently attend, struggles to get teachers and assistants for Sunday School. It really frustrates me!

I miss serving within the body and this week was a wonderful reminder that, even though ministry can make life a little hectic, it's so worth it! This week it was my privilege to teach 4-year olds about Jesus. Monday had me feeling a bit sorry for myself....I always seem to get the tough kids.....one with autism, one high-energy, and one very bright little girl who, like Kayleigh, tends to act up when she's bored. For some reason, I was instantly drawn to this little girl. Maybe I see myself in her or something. As far as I know, her family doesn't attend church and I'm not sure if they are believers. She asked me yesterday why we can't see God, and how do we know if he's there if we can't see him. Thought that was pretty deep for a four year old. I can't tell you how many times I got goosebumps this week! It amazes me everytime I serve how God uses these little children to teach me and strengthen my faith in him!

The sermon at church today was on James 2:14-17....Faith without works is dead, useless, of no profit to anyone. The speaker explained it like this, "Faith without works is like a car without gas". He also said if you believe something to be true, but do not act upon it, your faith in that truth is useless. In other words, what's the point of believing truth if you do not apply it to your life? It does not profit you are those around you.

Application of truth is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I know so many things to be true, and yet I do not see them affecting the way I live. I feel like I'm missing some sort of bridge between knowledge and wisdom ( the application of truth). To be honest, I know what that bridge is and I know why I feel like I'm missing is. James also says that if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God for it believing he will receive. Therein lies the problem. I don't pray...there I said it. I just don't....I know I should...I believe God will listen and grant me wisdom...I just don't ask for it. I feel silly praying...self-conscience...like He's going to laugh at me for what I'm saying. I fight against intimacy is all corners of my life, including my relationship with God. I think I'm missing some sort of intimacy chip in my brain or something. I mean, aren't women supposed to be pros at intimacy...isn't it just something we instinctively know how to accomplish in relationships? I feel defective. And before you say it...yes, I know revealing this seems intimate....but I would never talk to someone face to face this way. I guess I just need to start praying no matter what I feel like...maybe in time I'll get over the whole feeling silly thing, until then...I'll just feel silly.