The sermon at church today was on James 2:14-17....Faith without works is dead, useless, of no profit to anyone. The speaker explained it like this, "Faith without works is like a car without gas". He also said if you believe something to be true, but do not act upon it, your faith in that truth is useless. In other words, what's the point of believing truth if you do not apply it to your life? It does not profit you are those around you.
Application of truth is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. I know so many things to be true, and yet I do not see them affecting the way I live. I feel like I'm missing some sort of bridge between knowledge and wisdom ( the application of truth). To be honest, I know what that bridge is and I know why I feel like I'm missing is. James also says that if anyone lacks wisdom, he should ask God for it believing he will receive. Therein lies the problem. I don't pray...there I said it. I just don't....I know I should...I believe God will listen and grant me wisdom...I just don't ask for it. I feel silly praying...self-conscience...like He's going to laugh at me for what I'm saying. I fight against intimacy is all corners of my life, including my relationship with God. I think I'm missing some sort of intimacy chip in my brain or something. I mean, aren't women supposed to be pros at intimacy...isn't it just something we instinctively know how to accomplish in relationships? I feel defective. And before you say it...yes, I know revealing this seems intimate....but I would never talk to someone face to face this way. I guess I just need to start praying no matter what I feel like...maybe in time I'll get over the whole feeling silly thing, until then...I'll just feel silly.
3 comments:
wow...... i haven't checked your blog forever and i have missed a lot of entries! it was cool to see u at the library. hope to see u again soon. i bet mahna and kayleigh would have fun together.
Intimacy for women may be a more culturally expected thing than a God given talent. You are not alone. I struggle with feeling silly in those moments also. That was the great thing about counseling for me. Anyone would tell me their deepest darkest secrets but I could sit and not divulge a thing. That was also my hendrance, I was able to hide and never really get to know others.
In my experience a lot of women struggle with real intimacy. The key word there is real. I've been burned so many times by false intimacy that its easier to just avoid everyone and not get hurt (by them, anyway!). You are not defective. You are Michelle, just the way God created you, and its okay that you don't meet some culturally defined norm. Something I did a couple of years ago is resolve to be a better Charlotte. I know that sounds silly, but I would choose something to apply in my life and choose a person I knew who applied it and say "I'm going to be like Sue in the way I interact with my children." It didn't work. It works much better to say "I'm going to interact with my children in the best way that Charlotte can interact with her children" and see how that manifests itself. In many cases, I've suprised myself.
So when you know that there's something you want to improve (like your prayer life) don't focus on all the things you feel are wrong with you or how you want to be like so-n-so in this area, simply focus on improving the way Michelle functions in that area. It will ease a lot of guilt and competition.
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