Apparently, we have monsters in our house. These monsters do anything from break the toothbrush holder to drawing on the toilet and bathtub (at least they used a pencil). They also make messes in rooms and spill milk all over the table. Since, I cannot see them, I assume they are invisible or maybe you just have to be three years old before they will reveal themselves to you.
So, any suggestions on teaching the concept of "telling the truth" to an almost four year old?
5 comments:
Simple explanation.
Just look them in the eye and say the obvious: "Somebody drew on the toilet. I happen to know that it wasn't your father (given, of course, that he's got a good alibi), and I know it wasn't me. That leaves you. Now, because I know it's you, and if you tell me the truth, you'll be in time-out for 10 minutes. Because I know it's you and you don't tell me the truth, you'll be in time-out for 20 minutes."
Then, if she tells the truth, go in after 5 minutes of time-out and say, "Because you told me the truth, I'm rewarding you by taking 5 minutes off the time you were supposed to be in time-out. Telling the truth will ALWAYS get rewarded in the long run, even if it doesn't seem like it at the time."
And, then, help her clean off the drawing on the bathtub/toilet. While you're doing it, tell her that, even though it's easy to clean off, it's still work, and that drawing should only be done on paper or whatever...
Oh, man. Life lessons. And, just so you know, it's the same fashion for a 16-year-old who doesn't know who didn't close the car door all the way and left the interior light on all night. The only difference in my approach was that, instead of time-out, we can confiscate car keys--which I've learned are quite the motivator.
Dido - This is what we have done with Seth, and explained to him that lying is hurtful to lots of people.. I then say what if I broke one of your toys but didn't tell you the truth... That would hurt your feelings. Them cleaning up their mess has always worked for us to.
Marilee
Funny that you should post this message. I just talked to my brother about his step-daughter. He says she lies all of the time, but she is autistic and most likely doesn't understand the concept like we do. Anyway, like Brent mentions, I also said it is all about "how" you pose the question/comment. Don't set her up to go on the defense. State the facts as you know them and allow her to answer. The developmental age she is in right now is important to understand and you will be training her how to tell the truth when she is 16. Don't ask when will this end, you will always be teaching life lessons, if not with lectures, then by example.
This is so developmentally normal. In addition to all of the other tips, one that really helped me with the boys was that at this age, kids still have the thread of hope that if they don't say they did it, then that will mean they didn't do it. IE, they think they can change history by changing the story. So when they are caught in a lie, it helps to say something like "I know that you wish you hadn't done this and that it would be easier to blame monsters for your choices, but no matter what you say to me, the truth is that you did it and there will be consequences for your choice to draw on the toilet." and go from there.
Thanks for the awesome advice! Now I just have to wait for the monsters to show up again, so I can implement it! Not that I am wishing them to make an appearance, but I would rather her learn this concept now as opposed to later when the stakes are higher.
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