I am not exactly a huge fan of Christian parenting books, though since becoming a parent I have read quite a few: Sheparding a Child's Heart; The Strong-Willed Child; How to make Children Mind without Losing Yours; Parenting with Love and Logic; and I'm sure there's a few I can't remember. The authors generally have some pretty good ideas about how to raise children, but somehow the implementation of those ideas falls somewhat short of the promised outcome in the book, usually due to my lack of perserverance. I have a really bad habit of giving up when something doesn't work right away, a habit I must strive to overcome on a daily basis. This is especially the case when it comes to parenting our children. I have "tried" so many different methods and I think this has created some frustration in both the children and myself.
What I found refreshing about Plowman's book is there are very little methods and a whole lot of scripture. A number of points stood out me:
1. Sin is serious, even in a child.
How many times have a snickered at the sin my child has committed? Sin is never funny to God and it shouldn't be funny to me. I also habitually make excuse for sinful behavior in my children: "Oh, he's just tired", or "She has a cold". Yes, it is important to be understanding, but sin is still sin even when we are tired or sick.
2. Behaviour is an outpouring of what is in the heart.
I've read this before, but I think it just sank in this time.
3. When giving a reproof always offer a way of escape.
In other words, don't stop with telling my children what they have done wrong, teach them what they could have done instead. Plowman also stresses having the child practice the way of escape after they are reproved.
4. Check your motives before you administer any discipline, whether by reproof or use of the rod.
Ugh. Why does have to come back to me? This little principle really challenges me to evaluate if my child's behaviour is truly sin or if it is just annoying and inconvienent to me.
5. If at all possible, do not embarrass your child by administering discipline in front of others.
6. Take the time to talk with your child, not only to your child. Learn to listen!
I'm a lecturer, so this is hard, but I'm working on it!
7. Finally, God's Word is sufficient for teaching, training, reproving, encouraging and I need to use it!
Overall, Plowman does a wonderful job directing the reader to scripture and providing some examples of what this all looks like in real life. However, there are some sample conversations that seems a little unrealistic, or perhaps her children are just more mature than mine. For instance, she asks her four or five year old if she is would delight in her brother's sadness over her taking a toy away and the little girl replies no she would not. Well, if you ask my five year old if causing her brother saddness makes her happy....well, let's just say her answer isn't no; but like I said, it may be more of a question of maturity and my parenting abilities, than Plowman's example.
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