Mercy and Justice

In April, I began reading through the Psalms during the early hours of the day when no one else is awake. I am now through Psalm 31, and cannot help but see the reoccurring themes of mercy and justice, fear and trust. God is merciful and just, and holy beyond our comprehension of the word. Because of His holiness we are to fear Him, and because of His mercy and justice we are to place our trust in Him.


Now, I know that fearing the Lord is not the same as being afraid of Him, but I often wonder if I truly grasp His holiness. And can I fully understand the depth of His mercy if I ignore His justice?

Driving home one day, a Mark Shutlz song about Christ's return and the end of sorrow started playing on the radio..the chorus goes like this:

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, everyone will see
That God is love and love has come for us all

While listening to this, a thought struck me: for some, Christ's return will not be an occasion for joy. For some, Christ's return will mean final judgment and eternal separation from God. For those who choose not to bow now, bowing then will not be voluntary. Everyone will see, but not everyone one will be set free; some will be eternally bound. God is love, yes; however, God is also holy and if we refuse His provision for our own holiness, well, we are on our own. So, for some, on that glorious day, sorrow will not end, it will just begin. Do I get that? Do I really get that? And if I did, how does getting that change the way I see people, especially those who have not yet chosen to bow? If I'm not that concerned about them, or it doesn't seem that I am, does that mean I really don't get it? And if I am concerned about them, do they know and what am I doing about it?

What I was doing a week ago....

Stingray City!  Can't wait to go back with the kids in about four years!

Introducing Bella!

I always said I wanted four kids....just didn't know two of those would be canines! (Sheena is in there....the black speck between Kayleigh and I)  Poor Bella really wants to be on the couch with us, but there's a big difference between 7 lbs and 60 lbs!

Bella is two years old and mostly Lab, with some Dane and other stuff, according to the DNA test her previous owner had run.  She's super sweet and just wants someone to rub her belly all day long. Her only flaws are:  she's not leash-trained, so walking is a bit of a workout right now and she tends to bark (in an excited way) when she sees other people and dogs while outside. She knows sit, down, off, and stay and will do them on command without fail.

I am so excited!

Hard Knocks of a 3-year old

In case you ever wondered......

January 2010

This is what happens when you run down the hall and fall into a table, even a table with smooth, round edges.  Apparently moving the furniture around in the playroom was not such a good idea!  Better still, this happened the day before my brother's wedding!

April 2010

And this is what happens when you're swinging and run into the head of a 4-year old!  At least it was the other side this time! 

Sleep...who needs it?

Oh, boy....this doesn't bode well


First off, I couldn't sleep last night and when I did, crazy dreams ensued. Then my alarm goes off at 5am, yes that's 5:00 AM, and I re-set it, only to remember I had set the timer on the coffee pot last night, so I might as well get up since there will be fresh coffee and, realistically another hour and 45 minutes won't make any difference in my overall feeling of tiredness. I get up at 5:00 AM so I have time to spend seeking the Lord and get my time on the elliptical in before the kids wake-up, but I don't think the elliptical is happening today. I'll do it later....maybe during rest-time...or maybe William and I will go for a walk or something.

Twenty minutes later I hear a door open and Kayleigh walks into the living room. Why in the world is this child up at 5:20 AM???!!!! I sent her back to bed, but I doubt she will fall back asleep and if she does it will be somewhere around 6:30 and then I will have to wake her back up at 7:00 to get ready for school. She just walked out again...it's now 6:14....I sent her back with a piece of bread and jam. Now she using the bathroom which will probably wake-up her brother....ugh! Don't these children understand that I drag my booty out of bed at some insanely early hour, so I can revel in the quietness???!!! Well, I don't hear boy yet, so maybe he slept through the slamming door and toilet flush.


New Topic---Totally unrelated!

I'm reading Julie and Julia by Julie Powell mostly because I loved the movie, although now I find myself wanting to cook everything with loads of butter; this is not exactly on the Zone Plan, and by "not exactly", I mean totally not. Julie and Julia is the kind of book that makes one want to write, or at least it makes me wish I could be witty and clever like Julie and come up with some project that all of America would be interested in. Julie Powell is not a believer and she is pretty candid about her views on faith...it's not her thing and she makes no apologies, nor is she diplomatic about it (Please forgive the lack of references, the book is in the kitchen and I don't feel like getting up). I kind of find this to be refreshing, though a little offensive at times. Yeah, I get that it is her right to not believe, but to minimize the importance of and poke fun at certain things, like the Word of God, for those of us who do? Not exactly necessary. But then again, if she isn't a believer, for her the Bible is just a collection of really old writings and so poking fun at it is okay. This reminds me that for the unbelieving in the world God's Word does not hold weight and is not enough to convince them of the truth. Now, I am not saying unbelievers are not held accountable to the God's Word, they are, but most do not accept this and quoting verse after verse in an effort to convict someone of its truth is kinda futile if they believe it is just a bunch of writings by men who lived a long, long time ago. Although, interestingly, some of those same people live by the laws of other books written by men a long, long time ago.


Well, it's now 6:50 and Kayleigh never did go back to sleep. She's sitting next to me reading---a chapter book of all things! I have spent the better part of this year trying to convince this girl to start reading chapter books and finally she is! Yea! Guess it had to be her decision...she is so my daughter!  Oh great...Kayleigh is yawning like crazy...this is going to be a long day for her :(

"I'd like a Route 44 Diet Dr. Pepper with Lime" and other issues of self-control

It has occurred to me that I have a serious problem with self-control, better put, a serious lack of it when certain temptations are placed before me. For instance, a Sonic recently opened about a mile from my house and is conveniently located near Kayleigh's school, making a quick trip during Happy Hour easily accomplished. Not to mention the sum total of the trip is less than three dollars, including the slushies for the kids--doesn't exactly break the bank, but it does add up. So, now I crave Diet Dr. Pepper with lime; whereas, before evil maker of pellet ice moved into town, I hardly thought about the 27 flavors, plus one, topped with a lime and served in a gigantic Styrofoam cup.

Another one of my downfalls is cookies, specifically chocolate chip cookies. Eating just one is not an option, I must have at least four (or more) at a time and wash them down with a cool glass of milk, preferable whole milk, but in the interested of my waist line I settle for 1% most of the time. Therefore, I rarely make cookies in order to avoid the temptation all together, which is depriving my children of that "Ozzie and Harriet homemade cookies after school" experience.


One issue I didn't really understand until recently was my obsession with bread. See, we are making efforts to eat in the Zone and bread, though allowed, is frowned up big time. Apparently it causes your blood sugar to spike which does some stuff I don't quite understand to your hormones, which makes you feel hungrier than you might actually be. Of course now I want bread all the time....I dream about loaves of Herbed Italian bread dipped in yummy olive oil splashed with balsamic vinegar...it's rather sad, I know.


Of course there are other areas in which I lack self-control that have a much bigger impact on life than Sonic drinks, cookies and bread, but there's no need to list them here. Wouldn't want to ruin my image of perfection.

Things that will never happen....

• I will never see Michael Jackson perform live; unless of course he was a believer and then maybe he'll give us all a performance after the Bema judgement is finished!  Not likely.
• I will never be 5'10", much to my displeasure.  Another 8 inches would solve the whole "need to lose 25 lbs" problem! 
• I will never be the perfect mother; better to accept that I will in some way screw up my kids and trust God to clean up the mess afterwards! 
• I will more than likely never be comfortable in a crowd of people I don't know....might as well figure out how to cope and live with it!
• I will never walk out on the sky bridge over the Grand Canyon!  I get queasy even thinking about it.
• I will never feel comfortable in a bikini....thanks Mom!  You are brilliant!  You didn't let me wear them growing up and by the time I could choose to wear them, I didn't want to.
• I will never understand why people want to get drunk...it's not fun and you end up doing really stupid and embarrassing things you spend years regretting if you remember them; and if you don't, then you have the really scary feeling that comes with not being able to remember!

Well the list has to stop there...need to fix my hair, so I can go watch Kayleigh get her Star Student Award!

This might be worth following...

One of my classes this semester is Advertising Ethics, so I more than a little interested in Donald Miller has to say on the topic in his new series Commercialism and Faith. 

Here's a quote:

A standard formula used in many commercials is twofold: 1. To illicit a thought in the viewer that their life is not satisfactory and then 2. To convince the viewer their life could be made satisfactory with the introduction of said product.

Not that I am equating to two, but it is interesting to me that sometimes our presentation of the Gospel is not so very different from a commercial in the sense that we try to convince someone they have a need and that need is fulfilled in Christ.  This is something I struggle with; the notion that we believe in Christ because He fills some need we have; the appeal to emotions of guilt and shame, and the promise of feeling joyful and at peace.   As if we only come to faith because of gain and not because we believe Christ is who He claimed to be and has done what He claims to have done.  Still, I know there is more to faith than pure intellect; there must be an element of emotion, or a relationship cannot exist.  This is difficult for me, as by nature I am rather wary of emotions.  I do not like being manipulated by them, which is perhaps why my daughter's flair for the dramatic bothers me so much!  I fight against showing them or even having them at all.  My sister-in-law wears her emotions on her sleeve; there is never any doubt how she feels, whether happy, sad, excited, in love.  I am somewhat envious; I wish I felt comfortable being that vulnerable, especially with my God. 

Book Review: Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman

I am not exactly a huge fan of Christian parenting books, though since becoming a parent I have read quite a few: Sheparding a Child's Heart; The Strong-Willed Child; How to make Children Mind without Losing Yours; Parenting with Love and Logic; and I'm sure there's a few I can't remember.  The authors generally have some pretty good ideas about how to raise children, but somehow the implementation of those ideas falls somewhat short of the promised outcome in the book, usually due to my lack of perserverance.  I have a really bad habit of giving up when something doesn't work right away, a habit I must strive to overcome on a daily basis.  This is especially the case when it comes to parenting our children. I have "tried" so many different methods and I think this has created some frustration in both the children and myself. 

What I found refreshing about Plowman's book is there are very little methods and a whole lot of scripture.  A number of points stood out me:

1.  Sin is serious, even in a child.
How many times have a snickered at the sin my child has committed?  Sin is never funny to God and it shouldn't be funny to me.  I also habitually make excuse for sinful behavior in my children: "Oh, he's just tired", or "She has a cold".  Yes, it is important to be understanding, but sin is still sin even when we are tired or sick.

2.  Behaviour is an outpouring of what is in the heart.
I've read this before, but I think it just sank in this time. 

3.  When giving a reproof always offer a way of escape.
In other words, don't stop with telling my children what they have done wrong, teach them what they could have done instead.  Plowman also stresses having the child practice the way of escape after they are reproved.

4.  Check your motives before you administer any discipline, whether by reproof or use of the rod.
Ugh.  Why does have to come back to me?  This little principle really challenges me to evaluate if my child's behaviour is truly sin or if it is just annoying and inconvienent to me.

5.  If at all possible, do not embarrass your child by administering discipline in front of others.

6.  Take the time to talk with your child, not only to your child.  Learn to listen!
I'm a lecturer, so this is hard, but I'm working on it!

7.  Finally, God's Word is sufficient for teaching, training, reproving, encouraging and I need to use it!

Overall, Plowman does a wonderful job directing the reader to scripture and providing some examples of what this all looks like in real life.  However, there are some sample conversations that seems a little unrealistic, or perhaps her children are just more mature than mine.  For instance, she asks her four or five year old if she is would delight in her brother's sadness over her taking a toy away and the little girl replies no she would not.  Well, if you ask my five year old if causing her brother saddness makes her happy....well, let's just say her answer isn't no; but like I said, it may be more of a question of maturity and my parenting abilities, than Plowman's example.

Why Homeschooling?

A few months ago I read Write These Laws on Your Children: Inside the World of Conservative Christian Homeschooling, a very interesting report by a man critical, but not completely against, homeschooling.  His main concern is how homeschooling families define civic participation and duty to country.  Some families homeschool because they feel the government and, by extension, the public school is hostile to their Christian values; therefore, they desire their children to spend the formative years in a more supportive environment.  Some completely shelter their children from the world, filtering all things and exposing them only to those opinions and beliefs which match their own.  Others homeschool so their children can experience an individualized education, learning at their own pace and in their own style.  Some felt, as Christians, our civic duty is to make America a "Christian nation", typically by electing officials who makes laws out of our Christian morality.  Others understand that one cannot legislate a relationship with Christ, and while they do vote based on their beliefs, they are not proponents of forcing Christian behavior on non-Christians. 

Overall, I found Kuznman's report helpful and informing; some families he interviewed provided examples of what I truly want our homeschooling experience to be like and others are examples of what I want to avoid.  For me, it is important for all subjects to be taught from a biblical worldview, while also allowing discussion and debate on opinions and viewpoints that do not agree with that worldview.  I believe that instead of pulling out of the world, Christians need to engage the world and be able to understand and have compassion on those who think differently from us. 

Of course this brings up the question: "If I believe it is important to engage the world, why am I deciding to homeschool?  Wouldn't it be better for your children to be in public school, since that would be a great opportunity to engage the world?".   Yes, the public school is a great place to engage the world, but do I expect my 5-year old to engage the world with much success?  No, not really.  This is not to say that parents who choose public school are doing their children a disservice, some children are better suited for the environment than others.  Kayleigh is already beginning to believe her teacher over her parents, and that concerns me.  She actually told me she thought her teacher knows more than I do!  She probably does in some things, but ack!  Kayleigh is also very concerned with fitting in, although her choice of dress some days causes me to question this concern :)  And don't get me started on the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing already starting Kindergarten...ugh.

So, if my goal is to somewhat control my children's exposure to the world, how will they learn to engage?  This is a major concern of mine.  I do not want my children to grow up niave and unable to cope outside the protective walls of our family. Therefore one of my goals while homeschooling is to be involved in a Co-Op and, perhaps, a sport not associated with the church.  In searching for Co-Ops I came across Denton Classical Education Cooperative and about jumped for joy!  Denton Classical is not a strictly Christian Co-Op, although most of their members are Christian, and that makes it appealing for a couple reasons: one, it allows for open discussion and debate; two, there is no denominational bent, which I see in many of the other Co-Ops around here. This area has a number of Christian Co-Ops, but frankly some of their codes of conduct are a little too strict for my taste--I really don't care if kids have more than one earring in each ear, or that boys wear their hair long, or that someone has a visible tatoo.  Another reason I like Denton Classical is the most of the subjects they offer are core subjects and not just enrichment: history, science, literature, and writing are the core, with PE, art, and Spanish for enrichment.  This will actually lighten my load a bit, since science and history projects will be done through the Co-Op and I will not need to spend time trying to find all the stuff to do them!  As for sports, we haven't quite decided what to do on that front.  We would really like to get our kids into gymnastics, but that can get rather expensive.  I'm thinking of just letting them play a season is all the different sports and then seeing what they like best. 

Blog Musings and Big Decisions

I'm taking an Internet Marketing course this semester and one of the key components of successful sites is regular updating; apparently I'm not too concerned with this blog having success!

It is difficult to write in a public forum, especially we you must look your readers in the eye at some point. You either must be painfully honest to their face, or keep your mouth shut online! There are many things I would love to write about, but putting them out there for the world to see just isn't something I can, nor want to do. So then, I must ask myself what do I want to accomplish with this blog:

Is it mainly a place to keep family and friends updated?
Is it a place to record my thoughts and reactions to certain events?
Is it a place for creative writing?

You get my drift. Guess it could be a combination of those. Anyways...this really wasn't what I was going to post about, it just popped into my brain.

Here's what I really wanted to post about:

We are officially homeschooling next year! While this year has been a little easier with Kayleigh at school all day, I am incredibly excited about having her home come June! This is not an indictment on the schools here, nor is it a reflection on the quality of education my children would receive from them. I firmly believe one gets as much as one puts in, and even if the system is flawed, a solid education is possible within the public school system. Furthermore, I am quite grateful that many children are getting more of education than possible if public schooling did not exist.

So why am I choosing to homeschool then? My decision, which Justin fully supports though he may not agree wholeheartedly, has to do more with the environment the education takes place in. This may seem trivial, but Kayleigh is still struggling with waking up in the morning and I would love to be able to allow her to sleep until her body tells her to awake. I think my main drive to homeschool is to teach through the lens of God's Word. Not that this can only be accomplished by homeschooling; I know many parents of children in public schools that do and have done an amazing job teaching their children to think biblically. For our family I think homeschooling is the best way, at least right now and most likely through middle school depending, of course, on the kids. Lastly, there are little things that will be nice: taking a day off when the weather is beautiful or when it snows 12 inches; ability to take vacations during non-peak times (cheaper); time for some major character training (me and the kids).

I have more, but Justin is home from his work-out and needs my attention :)

Can't sleep.



Too much swimming around in my head.



Thinking Moonlight Sonata might help, but playing the piano isn't possible due to the lack of a sound proof room. Something tells me Justin wouldn't appreciate Beethoven after midnight, so I'm trying some warm milk with vanilla instead.



Let's see if logging what's on my mind helps any......

• William and Sammi--they are fostering three adorable children. Went from no kids to three kids overnight. Watching them has given me a greater respect for the job a foster parent has. Loving your own is one thing, but I think there is a special place in God's Kingdom for foster parents; they are heroes and I am blessed to call these two friends.

• My sister is getting married in June. They start premarital counseling soon.

• My daughter has a very "woe-is-me" attitude of late and it's driving me batty. Nothing is fair and apparently I don't love her because I won't let her do whatever she wants. Is this normal for a five-year old?

• Studying Hebrews for the second time in one year....hmmmm.

That's not all, but some things are better left unsaid in a public forum.

Milk not really working.

I'm tired, but still not sleepy.

Maybe I should hop on the elliptical; then I would have to shower and that would wake up Justin.

Stink!