I want my wife and kids back.

Bachelor weekend is great and all, but only if there's something exciting. I've just been working and that gets pretty dull without some munchkin distractions every now and then. And while I've been sleeping great in the middle of the bed, I've been colder than normal. I need my space heater cuddler.

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Justin!
Happy Birthday to you!

or as Dave would put it....hope I get this right....

Happy Birthday, uh
Happy Birthday, uh, uh
Misery and despair, people dying everywhere.
Happy Birthday, uh
One day closer to death!

Reading this book (see below), has me asking many questions, one of which is why society tends to glorify the sacrifice women make for their families, but ignores all the sacrifices men make. There are men out there, my husband included, who choose careers that provide, instead of careers they love, give up many things they want and pretty much work their fingers to the bone in order to support their wives and children. And they do this without much griping, at least not as much as I hear from women about all they have to give up.

Not to mention, I simply cannot imagine the temptations my husband as to face on a daily basis. There are women out there who just don't care that there is a ring on his finger, in fact some might see him as a challenge because of it. That's why, despite my dread of large groups of people I don't know, I go to his office parties and make sure I speak intelligently and look pretty darn HOT! I also do my best to look decent when he comes home; he spends 40+ hours a week with professional women, I need to make a good impression when he's here :) This all probably sound very Donna Reed, but I don't care. If taking the time to keep up my appearance gives Justin one less thing to be tempted by, I'll do it!

It is kinda scary for me having my husband out there in the workplace. I'm sure there are women much more engaging and interesting than I am. Really, who wants to here about dirty diapers and teaching kids their ABCs all the time? I am working on broadening my conversational topics with the books I read and the newspaper, but my kids are my passion, so that's what I tend to talk about the most.

All this being said....I am enormously grateful to Justin for going to work everyday to make sure we have food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. He values my role as a wife and mother, supports my desire to be at home with the kids and even possibly homeschool for a time, and encourages me to grow (sometimes he has to pull me kicking and screaming, but he's persistent). People ask me if getting married so young was a good idea (we were 21 and 22, and only dated 3 months before we were engaged), and while things have not always been easy, I truly believe God used and still uses Justin to protect me from making more really dumb choices. I really don't know where I would be now if I had not said "yes" eight years ago. He is my "knight in shining armor".

Over the summer I took a course on creative non-fiction, not a genre I typically read, but now I can't seem to get enough! Right now I am reading The Feminine Mistake: Are we giving up too much? by Leslie Bennetts. Interesting viewpoint, don't agree with most of her philosophy, but it's interesting. Her main premise is that leaving the workplace, for a woman, amounts to financial suicide, i.e. she is totally dependent on her man to take care of her and if he chooses to opt out or dies or is disabled, then she up a creek without a paddle; and it is not just her that suffers, she takes her kids with her.

Now I do admit some truth to what she is saying. If Justin were to go stupid and leave me, it would be really tough financially for me and the kids. I have no degree, and my skill set does not put me in line for positions with salaries high enough to support three people, at least not in the lifestyle we now enjoy. Not to mention, I have not worked outside the home since Kayleigh was born, so even getting a job might prove difficult. I really don't worry about this, or even think about it very much. Perhaps I should...but then wouldn't that be planning for my marriage to fail? For me what it comes down to is that I am not completely dependent upon Justin; I know he is human and I expect him to make mistakes (although he knows if he ever leaves me, he'll pretty much have to leave the country), therefore I look to God for our provision and I trust that if my husband goes stupid, HE will take care of me.

Another issue Bennetts brings up is the real reason many women quit the work force, and it's not necessarily because they feel a strong desire to be at home. For me the decision was twofold: on one hand, I really felt the desire to be at home with my children, but another factor was that I really just did not enjoy what I was doing. Now don't ask what I would have enjoyed doing, because honestly I don't know. I really do not have a desire to do anything other than what I am doing right now. Please don't read this as "I'm a better mother because I stay at home". I do not feel that way towards women who choose to or need to work. I understand the desire for work outside of the home. There are days I wish I had more adult interaction, days I miss an office environment and co-worker relationships; if I could work part-time outside the home and actually make money I would. I do feel isolated, like I don't really know what is going on in the world. I have a very small sphere of existence right now: home and church. It can feel confining at times and liberating at others. Heck, I get to wear sweat pants and t-shirts everyday of the week! I don't necessarily have a schedule to adhere to and I don't feel rushed or pressed for time most days. By nature, I am a home-body, so I guess that helps a little. If I was more Type-A, this life would probably drive me nuts!

Kids are starting to wake up, so I'd better go!

On my mind....

• made an "A" in my class. Yippie! Although I really feel like I did "B" work, but I'll take the "A" if the professor wants to give it. Next semester, I'm taking a course on 20th Century English Novels with a professor I know to be tough (took a summer course with him), plus 20th century literature is not my favorite, so this will not be easy! I'm more of a 18th or 19th century kinda girl. I'll probably get a head start over the break.
• The Diner has had some interesting conversations on the convergence of the old and young within the church. Got me thinking about my old church and how my senior year they started a contemporary worship service and (gasp!) the worship leader wore jeans to church! I was part of young-uns then, now I think I'm in the old guard! I don't think the issues are anything new and quite frankly the focus on how we do worship/church frustrates me a little. I understand creating a mood/environment to make worship easier, but it seems to me the mechanics are getting more focus than the purpose...that's just my opinion, feel free to disagree.
• Teaching a child to read really is easy. Slow at times and frustrating, but in the long run easier than I thought it would be.
  
• I am totally a curriculum junkie! Is there a place I can sign up to test new curriculum? That would be the perfect job for me!
  

Things I should be doing:

• Working on my final for class--it is due by midnight on Sunday, so I'll probably wait until Sunday evening to start on it. I have to write three one-page responses to novels we read this semester...it won't take me long. I know, I could get it out of the way, but I work best under pressure, so I'll wait.
• Laundry--I forgot to get the basket out of the room before I laid Abbi down for nap...oh well.
• Sleeping--between hubby snoring and Kayleigh coughing, I didn't get much rest last night.

What I am going to do instead:

• Surf the net
• Play on Facebook
• Crochet
• Spend some time in quiet solitude
  

Girly, Girly, Girly!!!!

My latest finished project! The pattern is found in the July/August issue of Crochet Today. I am so pleased with how it turned out and hopefully the new mama in line to receive it will love it too!

Here's a close up of the stitches!

Let's talk about gender identification.....

One hazard I run into taking courses at Texas Women's University, is pervading opinion that gender is socially constructed. That boys act like boys because society trains them to and the same with girls. Ya know, the whole idea that girls play with dolls because that is what we as parents buy them. While I think this could be partially true, I have troubling believing social construction to be the only source of gender identification for one reason: God is both masculine and feminine in nature and He made humankind in His likeness. He made them male and female, splitting His nature between the sexes, so to me it would also seem He created two distinct genders, one mainly masculine and the other mainly feminine.

Recently, I finished reading a fascinating book on the subject, Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax. His main premise is that the gender-neutral educational/social environment of the past 30 years is doing more harm than good. He makes a point to say ignoring gender differences can actually instigate gender stereotyping. For example, according to Sax, boys and girls learn math differently; boys tend to like math for math's sake, while girls need to have some connection to real life. Now if educators ignore this fact and teach math for math's sake, the boys will do better than the girls, not because they are more gifted in math, but because it was taught in the way they learn best. The girls, bored with just the facts, will accept the gender stereotype of "boys are good at math and girls are not". Boys are at a disadvantage in the early elementary years, since, according the Sax, most are not ready for the typical classroom environment at the young age of 5 or 6. Sax suggests creating single-sex classrooms and schools for the benefit of both girls and boys, and I see his point.

I have more, but the kids are waking up....to be continued....

Things my children learned last week:

William

• Who Barak Obama is. While I was reading the paper, William spotted a picture of the President-elect and asked, "Who dat?" So, I told him and he now knows who President-elect Obama is by sight. Although when he says his name it sounds more like "Back Mama". It's cute!
• More Letters! William's favorite book right now is Dr. Suess' ABC book. And by favorite, I mean wants to read it at least four or five times a day! Beats flashcards! He can now pick out A - F pretty regularly.

Kayleigh

• How to spell the word "beer"---no I did not teach it to her...don't ask me how she knows how to spell it! After she wrote "beer" on her Bible story paper, she then followed it with her first written sentence: "My mommy likes beer". Thanks, Justin. And before you start to worry that I have a alcohol problem...I don't, and I can count on one hand the number of time she has actually seen me drink a beer. Justin taught her this...he thought it was funny...now it's not so funny, since she has now repeated this to a neighbor and proclaimed it in the grocery store while shopping with her Ame. Warning to parents of younger children: Your child's brain is a very sophisticated tape recorder and you do not control the replay button!
  

Forgot one.....

Look at those letters!

PICTURES!!!!!

Kayleigh's favorite past-time! She loves Henry and Mudge books! I also introduced her the books-on-tape; now I have no problems working on my school for an hour during rest-time! She follows along in the book as the CD is played, so not only is she entertained but she learns new words! Oh, and I gave myself permission to stop formal phonics instruction for now. We might pick it back up, we might not...I haven't decided. Kayleigh doesn't really use phonics to read. If she comes to something she doesn't know, I usually tell her how to sound it out, or I just tell her the word. ( I know, not exactly the "proper" thing to do) Once I tell her a word, she knows it, so I figure we'll just keep reading and she'll pick up the phonics rule as we go (I have seen evidence of this, i.e. silent "e" rule: the "e" at the end makes the vowel say it's name--didn't really "teach" her that, just told her the rule and she remembers and applies it). Plus, the rules are introduced again in spelling, so I'm not too worried about her missing something.

Who needs toys when there's rice to play with! I wasn't sure if this activity would hold Kayleigh and Tre's interest, but they played with the rice for about an hour before I needed to put it away for lunch-time. Shhhh...don't tell them that while they are "playing", they are also learning about volume and improving their hand-eye coordination.

Our first pumpkin carving attempt....I thought Kayleigh would love pulling the guts out, but I should have known better. I ended up doing most of the work and the pumpkin is still sitting on the counter un-carved!

Yes, I believe in child labor...especially when the child asks to do it!

What's the old saying? "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"!

Last Spring I picked up 1A and 1B of the Singapore Earlybird Math series and we almost completed the first workbook over the summer. Kayleigh really enjoyed it until the last lesson or so...it required drawing and that's just not her thing right now. I really wanted to use Saxon Math instead anyways, so we switched in Sept....don't know why, well, probably because I found the K teacher's guide for $7.00. So far, she's not liking it and I'm not really liking it; here's why:

• No workbook--Kayleigh is a workbook junky. I think it gives her a sense of accomplishment when she has to keep turning pages to get to the lessons we are on.
• Repetitive, repetitive, repetitive....did I say repetitive. I mean, how many times does a child have to sort something by colors to figure it out. Kayleigh is one of those kids that picks up new skills really fast, so the repetition is just plain boring her.

I think I am going to eat the $7.00 and switch back to Singapore Earlybird.

So the lesson learned here is: It's not a good deal unless it's a good fit!

Some thoughts going through my head.....

• Is it possible to overdose on grapes?
• I love toddler hands, they are so cute! I think I might cry when I don't have them in the house anymore.
• I dread the day Kayleigh quits saying "got forgot" instead of "forgot"; it's cute and adorable in that little-girl way.
• Picked up a book at the library last week, How Children Learn by John Holt. Apparently it's a classic in child development. He has some very interesting ideas and I wish I had read it earlier. Here are some quotes I found interesting:
• "We cannot separate an act from the skills involved in the act. The baby does not learn to speak by learning the skills of speech and then using them to speak with....He learns to speak by speaking"---I would say this also applies to reading and writing. I would also adventure to say we could apply this to spiritual matters, too.
  
• "...the best games with little children flow easily and naturally from the situation of the moment. We are not likely to get good games by planning them far in advance, but we will probably get them if we play with children just for the fun of it....The spirit of these games is everything. The only good reason for playing games with babies is because we love them, and delight in playing these games with them and in sharing their delight in playing--not because we want someday to get them into college. It is our delight in the baby and the games that make the games fun, and worthwhile and useful for the baby. Take away the delight, and put in its place some cold-hearted calculation about future IQ and SAT scores, and we kill the game, for ourselves and the baby."
• "...if we think that every time we talk to a child we must teach her something, our talk may become calculated and fake, and may lead the child to think, like so many of today's (1983) young people, that all talk is a lie and a cheat."
• "Most of the many things children learn, and that we all learned as children--to walk, talk, read, write, etc.--they learn by trying to do them, making mistakes and then correcting the mistakes."---It is difficult for me to allow my children to make mistakes, even in small things. I think this has created some of timidity I am beginning to see in Kayleigh. Need to work on this! Probably need to decide it's okay to make mistakes myself. I really am a perfectionist...if I cannot do it well, I simple do not do it. This applies to housecleaning and cooking, as well as relationships.
• THANK YOU, ALICIA!!! Those cookies you blogged about are AWESOME!!!!!! I really like that the recipe is fairly easy for Kayleigh to read and follow! She loved helping me make them.
• I am so ready to be DONE with school! At the rate I'm taking classes, I have about another four years :( I think the main problem is the degree I am going for, General Studies, is not the degree I really want, but I can't get anything else through online courses. Maybe I should just take the ones I can online for the degree I want and then go to campus when the opportunity arrives, i.e. kids are in school, whenever that will be.
  

So, I thought I had something witty to say today, but now that I am at the keyboard nothing is coming. Oh well!

Things I have discovered the past couple weeks:

• I am a list checker....therefore, list tend to bog me down. I spend more time writing items down and checking them off than I spend actually doing the work. I can see this becoming a struggle in the homeschool arena; I simply must check every task off, or I do not feel like I have accomplished all I should. At least I am aware of the problem and can work to control it!
• When working with a developed curriculum, it is almost always necessary to tweak it for your own use. In the past, I have been hesitant to do this, not really trusting my own ability to come up with or leave out stuff, but now I kinda like it! I have learned to see curriculum as a "spine" to start from, instead of everything I need.
• While planning is good, it's better to be flexible! I started out this year with plans all laid out and then became quite frustrated when the Kayleigh didn't want to follow them. So, I threw the plans out the window and now things are great! I still do a loose plan for the current week and look ahead so I know what's coming, but other than that, Kayleigh pretty much decides what days we "do school" and what subjects we cover. Some weeks we have school everyday, others just a couple days, and some not at all.
  
• I am starting to see a lot of myself in Kayleigh.
  
• She's a reader, and I mean a read-all-the-time-constantly-has-a-book-in-her-hands reader!
  
• Drawing is not something she enjoys, although she likes to color and paint pre-drawn pictures.
  
• She isn't necessarily interested in the learning the mechanics behind things, she just wants to do it. For instance, she would rather just learn to play songs on the piano, rather than learn all the technical stuff. (this could be just an age thing)
  
• She gets frustrated and wants to quit if it takes her too long to learn something.
  
• She needs alone time. This year I implemented the rule of "Kayleigh and William's room are not playrooms", so nobody but Kayleigh or William is allowed in those rooms. It really has helped out, and Kayleigh can go in her room whenever she wants to get away. I wish I could do the same!

Well....I should get off the computer and get to work cleaning my house!

How I wish we had pushed the pacifier more with this child!

This might not be an original thought......

Last week I began reading The Story of Avis by Elizabeth Stuart Phelps and it now occurs to me that books are like people. For instance, to me Jane Austen's novels are soul mates, the person one just knows and understands. Someone you can spend years away from and pick up again like you were never parted. Agatha Christie novels are the "fun" person; you know, the one you like to go to parties with because she never fails to entertain you, but truly there is little depth to the relationship. Then there are novels like The Story of Avis or Portrait of a Lady by Henry James; complicated, moody and just plain work to figure out. And yet, I find myself falling in love with these types of works after the initial labor of reading the first five or six chapters. It's funny...last week I was groaning every time I force myself to pick up Avis, and now I am counting the hours until bedtime so I can pick it up again. This novel is that person who initially turns you off, but after a time, the language, nuances, and moods begin to make sense; then you see the attraction so many others rave about.

What bothers me.....

Most people who know me wonder if anything really bothers me. To be fair, there isn't a lot out there that really ruffles my feather...it's a personality flaw of mine. Still, there are a few things that get my blood boiling, like.....

• Why is it that the homosexual community finds it necessary to "claim" every unmarried, female author of the past as a lesbian? Now I am not saying there is no way any of them were, but seriously just because a woman never marries and chooses to live with a close friend, doesn't mean that woman is a lesbian. (Emily Dickinson, I think) I just finished O Pioneers! by Willa Cather for my current class, and it's amazing the number of papers devoted to her sexuality. Apparently, if you write novels in which women have a close relationship with the land (personified as a woman) or other women, you must be a lesbian. GRRRRRRR! Like I said, these women could have very well faced this struggle, but why is it soooooo important that I know this about them?
  
• I really don't like the song "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry. Yeah, it's catchy, but as someone who experimented in that way, it turns my stomach.
• The way some Christian conservatives alienate "sinners". About a month ago I was listening to local Christian talk radio station in the car; a woman representing Concerned Women for America took Scott Wilder's place as a guest speaker for the day. I usually have no inclination to phone in on these types of shows, but I really wish I had owned a cell phone that day. Her topic was focused on the story last spring about the "man" who was pregnant (really this person is still a woman, but that's not my point). Well, instead of asking with compassion with happened in this person's life that he/she is unable to find joy in the body God gave her, she goes on about how what this person is saying and doing is "from the pit of hell"--her words. While that may be true...not the words to use...definitely not the attitude to have toward the lost. No wonder "sinners" run from us.

Well, that's a few things!

NEWS FLASH!!!!

I'm taking a nap today!

Bye!

If you have ever wondered what it is that I do all day.......

• 6:45 AM -- Drag myself out of bed
• 7:00 AM-- My early-rising kids wake up
• 7:05 AM-- Fix breakfast for the kids, usually oatmeal
• 7:15 AM-- Gracie arrives and I sit her down to eat her breakfast. By this time my kids are finished with breakfast, so I clean up their dishes.
• 7:20 AM-- Put tea kettle on for coffee
• 7:30 AM-- Tre arrives and I fix his oatmeal
• 7:40 AM --Realize I still have to pour the hot water from the tea kettle into the French Press!
• 7:45 AM-- Finally get my coffee and am able to fix my breakfast ( I can't eat oatmeal--it's a texture thing)
• 8:00 AM-- Clean up the kitchen, maybe empty out the dishwasher
• 8:15 AM -- Emma and Abbi arrive (yep that's four extra kiddos, so really I have six kids most of the time!)
• 8:15-8:55 AM-- Supervise free play with the kids ( I have two 4-year olds, a 3-year old, two 2-year olds and a 1-year old, so I have to really be on my toes, especially since William is still biting on occasion).
• 8:55-9:10 AM--Morning snack time, then clean kitchen again
• 9:15 AM--Put Abbi to bed for a short rest and head outside with the other kiddos.
• 10:00 AM-- Come inside, wash hands, get Abbi out of bed and have Bible Story Time
• 10:30 AM--Kiddos watch Clifford and I fix lunch
• 11:00- 11:30 AM--Lunchtime, then clean kitchen yet again
• 11:30 AM-12:00 PM--Supervise free play, change diapers, get beds ready. clean up toys in playroom
• 12:00 PM--Put Abbi, William, and Gracie in bed for nap
• 12:05-1:00 PM-- ABC Time, Math/Science Time with the preschoolers followed by Milly, Molly Mandy Time!
• 1:00PM-- Tre is picked up and Emma lies down for nap
• 1:05 - 1:25 PM--Handwriting and Reading with Kayleigh
• 1:30 PM--Kayleigh lies down for rest
• 1:30- 3:00 PM (if I'm lucky)-- Any combination of the following: Read, research, post on discussion board for class; look at weekly grocery ads and plan next weeks menu; prep for preschool lessons; crochet (very unlikely); take a nap (even less likely)
• 3:00 PM--Usually everyone is awake from nap and it's snack time
• 3:20 PM--Done with snack. Clean up dishes and kitchen for the fourth time!
• 3:30 PM--If the weather is nice, head back outside for an hour or so, or until the kids get tired of it. Inside free play, if the weather is bad. I prefer going outside; staying in makes the kids go crazy!
• 4:00PM-- Gracie is picked up.
• 4:30 or 5:00PM--Come back inside, wash hands, and have a story time.
• Between 5:15 and 6 PM--Emma and Abbi go home. Clean up toys in playroom. I start cooking dinner around 5:30 or so and put on a video if Justin is not home yet.
• 6:00PM-- Eat dinner
• 6:30 PM--Finish up dinner. On non-class nights for Justin, one of us gives the kids a bath, while the other, yep you guessed it, CLEANS THE KITCHEN! On class nights, Wednesday right now, I do it all.
• 7:00PM-- Bed time story and bed time for William! Blow dry Kayleigh's hair. Bedtime story for Kayleigh
• 7:30 PM--Kayleigh's bed time!
• 7:30 -10:00 PM--School work if needed; shower; watch some TV (Wed and Thurs mostly); bonding time with Justin ; )
  

So, there it is...this is what I do! If you can find time for some exercise and house cleaning, let me know....I really need to work those in!

I must admit, Brooke makes a very good point. I think I was little overzealous in planning Kayleigh's Pre-K year. This week we have skipped out on the Math, Explode the Code, and the Sonlight K History stuff, and already there is attitude improvement from both of us! I am still having her read to me at least 10 minutes or so a day and going through the handwriting materials. Needless to say, my decision is not yet made and it probably won't be until next summer.

In thinking about next year there are several facts to consider:

1. Right now the plan is for me to retire from childcare in June or so (or only have one extra--he turns 5 next Oct, plus he's gone by 1pm). This lightens up the load quite a bit in terms of number of kids and the freedom to do stuff during the week, like maybe get together with another homeschooling family for something educational/fun!
   
2. William will be three, which, to me, is much easier than two!
3. My mother-in-love is using us as a school project this semester, so I should be much more organized. We are working on the meals part right now and it's amazing how much having a plan eases the daily grind! Can't wait to get my closets in order (hint, hint).
4. I might actually be able to go to Women's bible study during the week, which would also give Kayleigh and I some time apart.
5. Kayleigh will be old enough to attend the children's thing at church on Wednesday nights, so she would have time with kids her age.
   

The intention has always been to send our children to school at some point before 6th grade, mainly because both of us truly enjoyed our public school experience and there are just some opportunities we could not give them by homeschooling, i.e. UIL sports, band, art classes, etc. So really the decision is not if, but when. Sorry to bore you with the goings on of my brain. I think better in writing.