I want my wife and kids back.

Bachelor weekend is great and all, but only if there's something exciting. I've just been working and that gets pretty dull without some munchkin distractions every now and then. And while I've been sleeping great in the middle of the bed, I've been colder than normal. I need my space heater cuddler.

Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday, dear Justin!
Happy Birthday to you!

or as Dave would put it....hope I get this right....

Happy Birthday, uh
Happy Birthday, uh, uh
Misery and despair, people dying everywhere.
Happy Birthday, uh
One day closer to death!

Reading this book (see below), has me asking many questions, one of which is why society tends to glorify the sacrifice women make for their families, but ignores all the sacrifices men make. There are men out there, my husband included, who choose careers that provide, instead of careers they love, give up many things they want and pretty much work their fingers to the bone in order to support their wives and children. And they do this without much griping, at least not as much as I hear from women about all they have to give up.

Not to mention, I simply cannot imagine the temptations my husband as to face on a daily basis. There are women out there who just don't care that there is a ring on his finger, in fact some might see him as a challenge because of it. That's why, despite my dread of large groups of people I don't know, I go to his office parties and make sure I speak intelligently and look pretty darn HOT! I also do my best to look decent when he comes home; he spends 40+ hours a week with professional women, I need to make a good impression when he's here :) This all probably sound very Donna Reed, but I don't care. If taking the time to keep up my appearance gives Justin one less thing to be tempted by, I'll do it!

It is kinda scary for me having my husband out there in the workplace. I'm sure there are women much more engaging and interesting than I am. Really, who wants to here about dirty diapers and teaching kids their ABCs all the time? I am working on broadening my conversational topics with the books I read and the newspaper, but my kids are my passion, so that's what I tend to talk about the most.

All this being said....I am enormously grateful to Justin for going to work everyday to make sure we have food on the table, clothes on our backs, and a roof over our heads. He values my role as a wife and mother, supports my desire to be at home with the kids and even possibly homeschool for a time, and encourages me to grow (sometimes he has to pull me kicking and screaming, but he's persistent). People ask me if getting married so young was a good idea (we were 21 and 22, and only dated 3 months before we were engaged), and while things have not always been easy, I truly believe God used and still uses Justin to protect me from making more really dumb choices. I really don't know where I would be now if I had not said "yes" eight years ago. He is my "knight in shining armor".

Over the summer I took a course on creative non-fiction, not a genre I typically read, but now I can't seem to get enough! Right now I am reading The Feminine Mistake: Are we giving up too much? by Leslie Bennetts. Interesting viewpoint, don't agree with most of her philosophy, but it's interesting. Her main premise is that leaving the workplace, for a woman, amounts to financial suicide, i.e. she is totally dependent on her man to take care of her and if he chooses to opt out or dies or is disabled, then she up a creek without a paddle; and it is not just her that suffers, she takes her kids with her.

Now I do admit some truth to what she is saying. If Justin were to go stupid and leave me, it would be really tough financially for me and the kids. I have no degree, and my skill set does not put me in line for positions with salaries high enough to support three people, at least not in the lifestyle we now enjoy. Not to mention, I have not worked outside the home since Kayleigh was born, so even getting a job might prove difficult. I really don't worry about this, or even think about it very much. Perhaps I should...but then wouldn't that be planning for my marriage to fail? For me what it comes down to is that I am not completely dependent upon Justin; I know he is human and I expect him to make mistakes (although he knows if he ever leaves me, he'll pretty much have to leave the country), therefore I look to God for our provision and I trust that if my husband goes stupid, HE will take care of me.

Another issue Bennetts brings up is the real reason many women quit the work force, and it's not necessarily because they feel a strong desire to be at home. For me the decision was twofold: on one hand, I really felt the desire to be at home with my children, but another factor was that I really just did not enjoy what I was doing. Now don't ask what I would have enjoyed doing, because honestly I don't know. I really do not have a desire to do anything other than what I am doing right now. Please don't read this as "I'm a better mother because I stay at home". I do not feel that way towards women who choose to or need to work. I understand the desire for work outside of the home. There are days I wish I had more adult interaction, days I miss an office environment and co-worker relationships; if I could work part-time outside the home and actually make money I would. I do feel isolated, like I don't really know what is going on in the world. I have a very small sphere of existence right now: home and church. It can feel confining at times and liberating at others. Heck, I get to wear sweat pants and t-shirts everyday of the week! I don't necessarily have a schedule to adhere to and I don't feel rushed or pressed for time most days. By nature, I am a home-body, so I guess that helps a little. If I was more Type-A, this life would probably drive me nuts!

Kids are starting to wake up, so I'd better go!

On my mind....

• made an "A" in my class. Yippie! Although I really feel like I did "B" work, but I'll take the "A" if the professor wants to give it. Next semester, I'm taking a course on 20th Century English Novels with a professor I know to be tough (took a summer course with him), plus 20th century literature is not my favorite, so this will not be easy! I'm more of a 18th or 19th century kinda girl. I'll probably get a head start over the break.
• The Diner has had some interesting conversations on the convergence of the old and young within the church. Got me thinking about my old church and how my senior year they started a contemporary worship service and (gasp!) the worship leader wore jeans to church! I was part of young-uns then, now I think I'm in the old guard! I don't think the issues are anything new and quite frankly the focus on how we do worship/church frustrates me a little. I understand creating a mood/environment to make worship easier, but it seems to me the mechanics are getting more focus than the purpose...that's just my opinion, feel free to disagree.
• Teaching a child to read really is easy. Slow at times and frustrating, but in the long run easier than I thought it would be.
  
• I am totally a curriculum junkie! Is there a place I can sign up to test new curriculum? That would be the perfect job for me!
  

Things I should be doing:

• Working on my final for class--it is due by midnight on Sunday, so I'll probably wait until Sunday evening to start on it. I have to write three one-page responses to novels we read this semester...it won't take me long. I know, I could get it out of the way, but I work best under pressure, so I'll wait.
• Laundry--I forgot to get the basket out of the room before I laid Abbi down for nap...oh well.
• Sleeping--between hubby snoring and Kayleigh coughing, I didn't get much rest last night.

What I am going to do instead:

• Surf the net
• Play on Facebook
• Crochet
• Spend some time in quiet solitude
  

Girly, Girly, Girly!!!!

My latest finished project! The pattern is found in the July/August issue of Crochet Today. I am so pleased with how it turned out and hopefully the new mama in line to receive it will love it too!

Here's a close up of the stitches!

Let's talk about gender identification.....

One hazard I run into taking courses at Texas Women's University, is pervading opinion that gender is socially constructed. That boys act like boys because society trains them to and the same with girls. Ya know, the whole idea that girls play with dolls because that is what we as parents buy them. While I think this could be partially true, I have troubling believing social construction to be the only source of gender identification for one reason: God is both masculine and feminine in nature and He made humankind in His likeness. He made them male and female, splitting His nature between the sexes, so to me it would also seem He created two distinct genders, one mainly masculine and the other mainly feminine.

Recently, I finished reading a fascinating book on the subject, Why Gender Matters by Leonard Sax. His main premise is that the gender-neutral educational/social environment of the past 30 years is doing more harm than good. He makes a point to say ignoring gender differences can actually instigate gender stereotyping. For example, according to Sax, boys and girls learn math differently; boys tend to like math for math's sake, while girls need to have some connection to real life. Now if educators ignore this fact and teach math for math's sake, the boys will do better than the girls, not because they are more gifted in math, but because it was taught in the way they learn best. The girls, bored with just the facts, will accept the gender stereotype of "boys are good at math and girls are not". Boys are at a disadvantage in the early elementary years, since, according the Sax, most are not ready for the typical classroom environment at the young age of 5 or 6. Sax suggests creating single-sex classrooms and schools for the benefit of both girls and boys, and I see his point.

I have more, but the kids are waking up....to be continued....

Things my children learned last week:

William

• Who Barak Obama is. While I was reading the paper, William spotted a picture of the President-elect and asked, "Who dat?" So, I told him and he now knows who President-elect Obama is by sight. Although when he says his name it sounds more like "Back Mama". It's cute!
• More Letters! William's favorite book right now is Dr. Suess' ABC book. And by favorite, I mean wants to read it at least four or five times a day! Beats flashcards! He can now pick out A - F pretty regularly.

Kayleigh

• How to spell the word "beer"---no I did not teach it to her...don't ask me how she knows how to spell it! After she wrote "beer" on her Bible story paper, she then followed it with her first written sentence: "My mommy likes beer". Thanks, Justin. And before you start to worry that I have a alcohol problem...I don't, and I can count on one hand the number of time she has actually seen me drink a beer. Justin taught her this...he thought it was funny...now it's not so funny, since she has now repeated this to a neighbor and proclaimed it in the grocery store while shopping with her Ame. Warning to parents of younger children: Your child's brain is a very sophisticated tape recorder and you do not control the replay button!
  

Forgot one.....

Look at those letters!

PICTURES!!!!!

Kayleigh's favorite past-time! She loves Henry and Mudge books! I also introduced her the books-on-tape; now I have no problems working on my school for an hour during rest-time! She follows along in the book as the CD is played, so not only is she entertained but she learns new words! Oh, and I gave myself permission to stop formal phonics instruction for now. We might pick it back up, we might not...I haven't decided. Kayleigh doesn't really use phonics to read. If she comes to something she doesn't know, I usually tell her how to sound it out, or I just tell her the word. ( I know, not exactly the "proper" thing to do) Once I tell her a word, she knows it, so I figure we'll just keep reading and she'll pick up the phonics rule as we go (I have seen evidence of this, i.e. silent "e" rule: the "e" at the end makes the vowel say it's name--didn't really "teach" her that, just told her the rule and she remembers and applies it). Plus, the rules are introduced again in spelling, so I'm not too worried about her missing something.

Who needs toys when there's rice to play with! I wasn't sure if this activity would hold Kayleigh and Tre's interest, but they played with the rice for about an hour before I needed to put it away for lunch-time. Shhhh...don't tell them that while they are "playing", they are also learning about volume and improving their hand-eye coordination.

Our first pumpkin carving attempt....I thought Kayleigh would love pulling the guts out, but I should have known better. I ended up doing most of the work and the pumpkin is still sitting on the counter un-carved!

Yes, I believe in child labor...especially when the child asks to do it!

What's the old saying? "If it ain't broke, don't fix it"!

Last Spring I picked up 1A and 1B of the Singapore Earlybird Math series and we almost completed the first workbook over the summer. Kayleigh really enjoyed it until the last lesson or so...it required drawing and that's just not her thing right now. I really wanted to use Saxon Math instead anyways, so we switched in Sept....don't know why, well, probably because I found the K teacher's guide for $7.00. So far, she's not liking it and I'm not really liking it; here's why:

• No workbook--Kayleigh is a workbook junky. I think it gives her a sense of accomplishment when she has to keep turning pages to get to the lessons we are on.
• Repetitive, repetitive, repetitive....did I say repetitive. I mean, how many times does a child have to sort something by colors to figure it out. Kayleigh is one of those kids that picks up new skills really fast, so the repetition is just plain boring her.

I think I am going to eat the $7.00 and switch back to Singapore Earlybird.

So the lesson learned here is: It's not a good deal unless it's a good fit!

Some thoughts going through my head.....

• Is it possible to overdose on grapes?
• I love toddler hands, they are so cute! I think I might cry when I don't have them in the house anymore.
• I dread the day Kayleigh quits saying "got forgot" instead of "forgot"; it's cute and adorable in that little-girl way.
• Picked up a book at the library last week, How Children Learn by John Holt. Apparently it's a classic in child development. He has some very interesting ideas and I wish I had read it earlier. Here are some quotes I found interesting:
• "We cannot separate an act from the skills involved in the act. The baby does not learn to speak by learning the skills of speech and then using them to speak with....He learns to speak by speaking"---I would say this also applies to reading and writing. I would also adventure to say we could apply this to spiritual matters, too.
  
• "...the best games with little children flow easily and naturally from the situation of the moment. We are not likely to get good games by planning them far in advance, but we will probably get them if we play with children just for the fun of it....The spirit of these games is everything. The only good reason for playing games with babies is because we love them, and delight in playing these games with them and in sharing their delight in playing--not because we want someday to get them into college. It is our delight in the baby and the games that make the games fun, and worthwhile and useful for the baby. Take away the delight, and put in its place some cold-hearted calculation about future IQ and SAT scores, and we kill the game, for ourselves and the baby."
• "...if we think that every time we talk to a child we must teach her something, our talk may become calculated and fake, and may lead the child to think, like so many of today's (1983) young people, that all talk is a lie and a cheat."
• "Most of the many things children learn, and that we all learned as children--to walk, talk, read, write, etc.--they learn by trying to do them, making mistakes and then correcting the mistakes."---It is difficult for me to allow my children to make mistakes, even in small things. I think this has created some of timidity I am beginning to see in Kayleigh. Need to work on this! Probably need to decide it's okay to make mistakes myself. I really am a perfectionist...if I cannot do it well, I simple do not do it. This applies to housecleaning and cooking, as well as relationships.
• THANK YOU, ALICIA!!! Those cookies you blogged about are AWESOME!!!!!! I really like that the recipe is fairly easy for Kayleigh to read and follow! She loved helping me make them.
• I am so ready to be DONE with school! At the rate I'm taking classes, I have about another four years :( I think the main problem is the degree I am going for, General Studies, is not the degree I really want, but I can't get anything else through online courses. Maybe I should just take the ones I can online for the degree I want and then go to campus when the opportunity arrives, i.e. kids are in school, whenever that will be.
  

So, I thought I had something witty to say today, but now that I am at the keyboard nothing is coming. Oh well!

Things I have discovered the past couple weeks:

• I am a list checker....therefore, list tend to bog me down. I spend more time writing items down and checking them off than I spend actually doing the work. I can see this becoming a struggle in the homeschool arena; I simply must check every task off, or I do not feel like I have accomplished all I should. At least I am aware of the problem and can work to control it!
• When working with a developed curriculum, it is almost always necessary to tweak it for your own use. In the past, I have been hesitant to do this, not really trusting my own ability to come up with or leave out stuff, but now I kinda like it! I have learned to see curriculum as a "spine" to start from, instead of everything I need.
• While planning is good, it's better to be flexible! I started out this year with plans all laid out and then became quite frustrated when the Kayleigh didn't want to follow them. So, I threw the plans out the window and now things are great! I still do a loose plan for the current week and look ahead so I know what's coming, but other than that, Kayleigh pretty much decides what days we "do school" and what subjects we cover. Some weeks we have school everyday, others just a couple days, and some not at all.
  
• I am starting to see a lot of myself in Kayleigh.
  
• She's a reader, and I mean a read-all-the-time-constantly-has-a-book-in-her-hands reader!
  
• Drawing is not something she enjoys, although she likes to color and paint pre-drawn pictures.
  
• She isn't necessarily interested in the learning the mechanics behind things, she just wants to do it. For instance, she would rather just learn to play songs on the piano, rather than learn all the technical stuff. (this could be just an age thing)
  
• She gets frustrated and wants to quit if it takes her too long to learn something.
  
• She needs alone time. This year I implemented the rule of "Kayleigh and William's room are not playrooms", so nobody but Kayleigh or William is allowed in those rooms. It really has helped out, and Kayleigh can go in her room whenever she wants to get away. I wish I could do the same!

Well....I should get off the computer and get to work cleaning my house!

How I wish we had pushed the pacifier more with this child!

This might not be an original thought......

Last week I began reading The Story of Avis by Elizabeth Stuart Phelps and it now occurs to me that books are like people. For instance, to me Jane Austen's novels are soul mates, the person one just knows and understands. Someone you can spend years away from and pick up again like you were never parted. Agatha Christie novels are the "fun" person; you know, the one you like to go to parties with because she never fails to entertain you, but truly there is little depth to the relationship. Then there are novels like The Story of Avis or Portrait of a Lady by Henry James; complicated, moody and just plain work to figure out. And yet, I find myself falling in love with these types of works after the initial labor of reading the first five or six chapters. It's funny...last week I was groaning every time I force myself to pick up Avis, and now I am counting the hours until bedtime so I can pick it up again. This novel is that person who initially turns you off, but after a time, the language, nuances, and moods begin to make sense; then you see the attraction so many others rave about.

What bothers me.....

Most people who know me wonder if anything really bothers me. To be fair, there isn't a lot out there that really ruffles my feather...it's a personality flaw of mine. Still, there are a few things that get my blood boiling, like.....

• Why is it that the homosexual community finds it necessary to "claim" every unmarried, female author of the past as a lesbian? Now I am not saying there is no way any of them were, but seriously just because a woman never marries and chooses to live with a close friend, doesn't mean that woman is a lesbian. (Emily Dickinson, I think) I just finished O Pioneers! by Willa Cather for my current class, and it's amazing the number of papers devoted to her sexuality. Apparently, if you write novels in which women have a close relationship with the land (personified as a woman) or other women, you must be a lesbian. GRRRRRRR! Like I said, these women could have very well faced this struggle, but why is it soooooo important that I know this about them?
  
• I really don't like the song "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry. Yeah, it's catchy, but as someone who experimented in that way, it turns my stomach.
• The way some Christian conservatives alienate "sinners". About a month ago I was listening to local Christian talk radio station in the car; a woman representing Concerned Women for America took Scott Wilder's place as a guest speaker for the day. I usually have no inclination to phone in on these types of shows, but I really wish I had owned a cell phone that day. Her topic was focused on the story last spring about the "man" who was pregnant (really this person is still a woman, but that's not my point). Well, instead of asking with compassion with happened in this person's life that he/she is unable to find joy in the body God gave her, she goes on about how what this person is saying and doing is "from the pit of hell"--her words. While that may be true...not the words to use...definitely not the attitude to have toward the lost. No wonder "sinners" run from us.

Well, that's a few things!

NEWS FLASH!!!!

I'm taking a nap today!

Bye!

If you have ever wondered what it is that I do all day.......

• 6:45 AM -- Drag myself out of bed
• 7:00 AM-- My early-rising kids wake up
• 7:05 AM-- Fix breakfast for the kids, usually oatmeal
• 7:15 AM-- Gracie arrives and I sit her down to eat her breakfast. By this time my kids are finished with breakfast, so I clean up their dishes.
• 7:20 AM-- Put tea kettle on for coffee
• 7:30 AM-- Tre arrives and I fix his oatmeal
• 7:40 AM --Realize I still have to pour the hot water from the tea kettle into the French Press!
• 7:45 AM-- Finally get my coffee and am able to fix my breakfast ( I can't eat oatmeal--it's a texture thing)
• 8:00 AM-- Clean up the kitchen, maybe empty out the dishwasher
• 8:15 AM -- Emma and Abbi arrive (yep that's four extra kiddos, so really I have six kids most of the time!)
• 8:15-8:55 AM-- Supervise free play with the kids ( I have two 4-year olds, a 3-year old, two 2-year olds and a 1-year old, so I have to really be on my toes, especially since William is still biting on occasion).
• 8:55-9:10 AM--Morning snack time, then clean kitchen again
• 9:15 AM--Put Abbi to bed for a short rest and head outside with the other kiddos.
• 10:00 AM-- Come inside, wash hands, get Abbi out of bed and have Bible Story Time
• 10:30 AM--Kiddos watch Clifford and I fix lunch
• 11:00- 11:30 AM--Lunchtime, then clean kitchen yet again
• 11:30 AM-12:00 PM--Supervise free play, change diapers, get beds ready. clean up toys in playroom
• 12:00 PM--Put Abbi, William, and Gracie in bed for nap
• 12:05-1:00 PM-- ABC Time, Math/Science Time with the preschoolers followed by Milly, Molly Mandy Time!
• 1:00PM-- Tre is picked up and Emma lies down for nap
• 1:05 - 1:25 PM--Handwriting and Reading with Kayleigh
• 1:30 PM--Kayleigh lies down for rest
• 1:30- 3:00 PM (if I'm lucky)-- Any combination of the following: Read, research, post on discussion board for class; look at weekly grocery ads and plan next weeks menu; prep for preschool lessons; crochet (very unlikely); take a nap (even less likely)
• 3:00 PM--Usually everyone is awake from nap and it's snack time
• 3:20 PM--Done with snack. Clean up dishes and kitchen for the fourth time!
• 3:30 PM--If the weather is nice, head back outside for an hour or so, or until the kids get tired of it. Inside free play, if the weather is bad. I prefer going outside; staying in makes the kids go crazy!
• 4:00PM-- Gracie is picked up.
• 4:30 or 5:00PM--Come back inside, wash hands, and have a story time.
• Between 5:15 and 6 PM--Emma and Abbi go home. Clean up toys in playroom. I start cooking dinner around 5:30 or so and put on a video if Justin is not home yet.
• 6:00PM-- Eat dinner
• 6:30 PM--Finish up dinner. On non-class nights for Justin, one of us gives the kids a bath, while the other, yep you guessed it, CLEANS THE KITCHEN! On class nights, Wednesday right now, I do it all.
• 7:00PM-- Bed time story and bed time for William! Blow dry Kayleigh's hair. Bedtime story for Kayleigh
• 7:30 PM--Kayleigh's bed time!
• 7:30 -10:00 PM--School work if needed; shower; watch some TV (Wed and Thurs mostly); bonding time with Justin ; )
  

So, there it is...this is what I do! If you can find time for some exercise and house cleaning, let me know....I really need to work those in!

I must admit, Brooke makes a very good point. I think I was little overzealous in planning Kayleigh's Pre-K year. This week we have skipped out on the Math, Explode the Code, and the Sonlight K History stuff, and already there is attitude improvement from both of us! I am still having her read to me at least 10 minutes or so a day and going through the handwriting materials. Needless to say, my decision is not yet made and it probably won't be until next summer.

In thinking about next year there are several facts to consider:

1. Right now the plan is for me to retire from childcare in June or so (or only have one extra--he turns 5 next Oct, plus he's gone by 1pm). This lightens up the load quite a bit in terms of number of kids and the freedom to do stuff during the week, like maybe get together with another homeschooling family for something educational/fun!
   
2. William will be three, which, to me, is much easier than two!
3. My mother-in-love is using us as a school project this semester, so I should be much more organized. We are working on the meals part right now and it's amazing how much having a plan eases the daily grind! Can't wait to get my closets in order (hint, hint).
4. I might actually be able to go to Women's bible study during the week, which would also give Kayleigh and I some time apart.
5. Kayleigh will be old enough to attend the children's thing at church on Wednesday nights, so she would have time with kids her age.
   

The intention has always been to send our children to school at some point before 6th grade, mainly because both of us truly enjoyed our public school experience and there are just some opportunities we could not give them by homeschooling, i.e. UIL sports, band, art classes, etc. So really the decision is not if, but when. Sorry to bore you with the goings on of my brain. I think better in writing.

Let me elaborate....

The homeschooling debate is still going on here in the Russell household. Well, it's mostly going on in my head right now! No, I am not reconsidering homeschooling based on the whim of a 4 year old; however, I am taking into consideration both our personalities and the dynamics of our relationship. We, and maybe it's just me, seem to have a better relationship when we aren't around each other 24/7 and I am totally okay with admitting this. I love my daughter, and I'm pretty sure she loves me, but sometimes we drive each other crazy! Plus, I have no doubts that she would love the social aspects of going to school.

For me, homeschooling is not a "called by God" thing, so whether or not I homeschool is not a matter of obedience. It's an alternative to public school and cheaper than private school, that's all. I have looked into Coram Deo Academy, which to me is the perfect blend of school and home education. But, after figuring out that 13 years there for both the kiddos would total more than $100,000, I just cannot justify the cost, especially since I have to continue working to pay for it. If we lived in an area with crappy schools, then maybe I could, but the reality is LISD is a great school district.

To make a long story short, I do not believe sending my children to public school would ruin their lives, nor do I believe it would mean I am bad parent for letting other people educate my children. My job is to instruct them in the ways of God and I can do that no matter where they go to school.

Since there are people who read this that are much wiser than I in the parenting department, here are a few issues I'm dealing with. Suggestions very much welcome!

• William is obsessed with his sister's room. Problem is, she doesn't want him in there.
• Kayleigh really is a grump in the afternoon, but refuses to nap.
  
• How do you discipline your children when you also must discipline other children? I have this personal rule that I do not spank other people's children, but I do spank my own. The issue comes into play when one of mine and another have committed a crime together, a crime I would normally spank my child for.
• I think Kayleigh is going through some kind of "four-years old but acts like a thirteen-year old" stage. Everything is dramatic and I mean everything. The girl cries over the littlest things!
• I need to figure out something to ward off the post-naptime crazies.
  
• William laughs at me when I correct him, especially if I attempt to lower my voice. Nice.
• William might be past the biting stage, but now he's in the hitting/knocking down/pushing stage. He gets so angry and I'm not sure how to help him communicate in a better way.
• Kayleigh told me she doesn't want me to be her teacher next year...she wants to go to school. I don't want to force homeschooling, but am also worried about what they'll do since she is doing Kindergarten work this year. She's not a genius...she's a regular 4 year old who just happens to read at a higher level, so I really wouldn't want her skipping grades. But at the same time, I wouldn't want her to be bored and not challenged to continue learning.
  

Why can't parenting be easy?

Monday is the beginning of preschool here at the Ms. Michelle's Childcare. For the last month I have worked really hard at planning and organizing everything, so hopefully all will go well! My over-all theme is the ABCs and my main focus is to teach letter sounds and beginning math concepts. Science and Social Studies will be thrown in along with Art for fun! I also want to do some informal piano lessons with the older ones, but that may be a bit ambitious of me.

Monday also is the official start of Kayleigh Pre-K year, although we are doing mostly Kindergarten work. Here's what we are using:

• Sonlight Core K--I was going to start with the P 4/5, but I really don't think it's worth the cost, so now I am selling it. I then found an AMAZING deal on the K instructors guide that included two language art guides ( K and 1st) and the K science guide. (over $150 worth of curriculum for $35!) We are going to skip on the language arts and science for this year and plan on taking two years to complete the Core.
• Handwriting Without Tears Pre-K--I know it looks weird..we'll probably change programs next year. This is just to introduce her to the idea of writing.
  
• Explode the Code Books 3 & 4--I was using The Ordinary Parent's Guide to Teaching Reading, but Kayleigh was totally bored with it. She is really liking the workbook approach, though. *Tip*--I put a sheet protector over the pages, that way she can complete them as many times as she wants!
• Reading lots of books--not to brag...well, to brag, Kayleigh is reading on a late first/early second grade level. I am amazed!
  
• Saxon Math K
• Explorer's Bible Study--totally free online! I'll be using this with all the kiddos!

A little plug for the local homeschool store I frequent:

Home Educator's Resource Center is awesome! The ladies there are really helpful, not to mention I found most of what I needed there and saved myself a bundle because it was used. So, before you go and buy new stuff, check this place out and save some money! I should warn you though....browsing their shelves can become addicting!

Things we don't have, and I'm glad:

• Two Cell Phones---this totally catches people by surprise. They don't see how I can function without one, but I do. Since cell phones became accessible, I have only owned one for a one year period before Kayleigh was born. Justin has one, so we aren't totally in the Dark Ages.
• Cable--really cuts down on the watching TV out of boredom.
• The ability to spoil our children materially---not having loads of money can be beneficial!
• A car payment
• A bigger house--it's hard enough keeping this one clean
  
• Debt--totally Justin's doing...he's an awesome financial planner...of course some call him stingy, but I don't care.
• Long drives to visit our children's grandparents
• Cribs--William is in a big boy bed now...can't wait to put diapers on this list!
  

I asked Kayleigh a couple days ago if she wanted to play softball and her reply was, "No, football!". Do they have football leagues for little girls? And thank you Sydney for the shirt....she LOVES it!

One more class down! And I squeaked by with an "A"! So, it's two weeks of freedom and then on to American Fiction in the Fall.

Books I read this summer:

• Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
• Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi
• Perfect Madness by Judith Warner
• A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting by Hara Estroff Marano
• Same Kind of Different As Me by Ron Hall and Denver Moore
• The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls

If I had to pick my favorite, The Glass Castle wins hands down. Walls writes an honest account of life with her neglectful, selfish parents, and yet there is so much love and forgiveness woven with the harshness. The memoir is disturbingly beautiful.

I also really enjoyed A Nation of Wimps, even though she calls homeschooling the "hottest of hothouses" when it comes to parenting (hothouse parenting is her term for helicopter parenting in case you are wondering). I agree, to a point. Some people homeschool in order to shelter their children from the world or turn their children into little geniuses. This is hothouse parenting, and I don't believe these should be the goals of homeschooling. My personal goal is to create a desire and love for learning in my children, and I think this is the goal of most homeschoolers I know. It's not that I think the public schools are bad, but I do believe they have a different focus and goal, namely the TAKS. I understand this focus; their funding is somewhat based on TAKS scores, so the kids need to perform well on it. If we could afford a private school, like Coram Deo for instance, I would send my kids off to school in a heartbeat, but that's not something we can do. So for now, I am choosing to homeschool.

Reading Same Kind of Different As Me was pretty cool because it is set in Fort Worth, so I knew the places the authors wrote about. I wouldn't call this one brilliant or anything, but it was moving.

Well...I gotta run....William just dumped all the puzzles all over the playroom floor. Boys!

A Little Help....

William's birthday is in a month and I need a little help deciding which toy to buy him. Here's the choices:

Wedgits 3-D Builders

Expand the building skills and creative development of children as young as 2 years with this 15-pc. preschool set. Its over-sized, geometrically symmetrical blocks stack, nest and/or interlock for free-form, 3-dimentional designs. Includes 46 design cards to get kids started. All in quality plastic. Largest block is 5¾" Sq. Ages 2 yrs. +.

2 'N 1 Wooden Workshop

It's a workbench---it's a tool box! Actually , this all wood set is both! Comes with pounding pegs, bolts, differently shaped screws, building slats along with a hammer, screwdriver and wrench to put it all together. The 13"L x 6"W x 6"H Workbench has pre-drilled holes for creative building. Ages 2 yrs. +.

I think the Wedgits are a little advanced for him right now, but he would still enjoy stacking them. The tools, I know would be a hit. The one draw back is the amount of pieces to keep up with. So, what would you get a two-year old boy?

My son....The Silly!

William mastered climbing out of the crib a couple weeks ago and I lowered the railing so he could get out easier. A couple nights ago I opened his door before going to bed and hit him on the head! He was sound asleep on the floor right by the door! He knows how to open his door, so I don't know what that was about. Well, today I heard some movement in his room, so after about 30 minutes or so I went to peek in on him and this is what I found....


Yep, he fell asleep UNDER his crib! Guess he was seeking a womb-like sleep environment or something.

To anonymous...

I'm not lost. I know where to go for the answers to my questions, so I'm not lost. Wandering maybe, but not lost. Nine years ago, God pulled me out of Egypt, and like the Israelites, I have been hesitant to enter the Promised Land out of fear. I see the giants and I think I must defeat them on my own instead of relying on God to fight the battles for me. A lot of my problem is how I think of God. I project my own ways of thinking and doing on to Him...I think He functions as I do, which is simply not true. So, I think my first step is to seek God's Word for who He is and allow the Holy Spirit to transform my thinking. In learning who God is, I should also become aware of who I am, since only He can really answer that for me.

On to another subject.......

Read this:

Imagine you are walking down a leafy path. It is early spring before sundown, around six P.M. The sun is receding, and you are walking alone, caressed by the breezy light of the late afternoon. Then, suddenly, you feel a large drop on your right arm. Is it raining? You look up. The sky is still deceptively sunny: only a handful of clouds linger here and there. Seconds later, another drop. Then, with the sun still perched in the sky, you are drenched in a shower of rain. This is how memories invade me, abruptly and unexpectedly: drenched, I am suddenly left alone again on the sunny path, with a memory of the rain.
--from Reading Lolita in Tehran by Aza Nafisi

This book is amazing...the author is amazing...you must read it!

While reading for class this week, I came across this passage from an essay on womens' relationships by Adrienne Rich:

It isn't that to have an honorable relationship with you, I have to understand everything, or tell you everything at once, or that I can know beforehand, everything I need to tell you.

It means that most of the time I am eager, longing for the possibility of telling you. That these possibilities may seem frightening, but not destructive, to me. That I feel strong enough to hear your tentative and groping words. That we both know we are trying, all the time, to extend the possibilities of truth between us.

The possibility of life between us.

I read this, and I think.....I want to feel this way in my relationships with my husband, my children, my family, my friends. I want to be "eager, longing for the possibility of telling" my secrets, my dreams with those I say I love the most. I want to be able to trust someone with me, just me; not the me I put on every morning, but the me I shove underneath in order to protect. No one really knows me except for God...I don't even think I know me.

I am almost 30, but in many ways I still feel like I did at 16...unsure of who I am, of what I am supposed to be doing, of what I really believe in. I see people, talk to people and I can tell they really, I mean really, trust God. A couple weeks ago in church we sang the song "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord", and it seems every time we sing it a man who lost his 9-year old daughter is up there on stage playing guitar. I look at him as we sing, "You give and take away, still my heart will choose to say, blessed be the name of the Lord", and I think, could I see this song if God allowed one of my children to die so young? Would I trust Him? I want to trust Him like that. Yet, I know learning to trust requires handing over control, a risk all too often I am not willing to take.

In a way, I see the above passage as the cry of my soul to God, when I allow her to speak freely; although, God's voice is certainly not tentative or groping. I don't have to understand everything about Him, or need to tell Him everything (He already knows it all). I am eager to tell Him, though I don't always know what. The possibility of intimacy with Him does seem frightening to me, but in no way do I see Him as destructive, though He seeks to break down the walls I build between Him and I. He is, even when I am not, " trying, all the time, to extend the possibilities of truth between us. The possibility of life between us."

Apparently, we have monsters in our house. These monsters do anything from break the toothbrush holder to drawing on the toilet and bathtub (at least they used a pencil). They also make messes in rooms and spill milk all over the table. Since, I cannot see them, I assume they are invisible or maybe you just have to be three years old before they will reveal themselves to you.

So, any suggestions on teaching the concept of "telling the truth" to an almost four year old?

This could have been worded better:

From this article in the Dallas Morning News

"Texas has made less headway in reducing teen births than the nation as a whole, according to data in the Annie E. Casey Foundation's annual Kids Count report to be released today."

Don't you need to prevent the pregnancy before you can prevent the birth?

Here's some of the books I am thinking about for this summer:

Infidel and A Caged Virgin by Ayaan Hirsi Ali

The Fall of the Evangelical Nation by Christine Wicker (read an editorial in the Sunday paper that sparked my interest)

The Body Project by Joan Jacobs Brumberg ( I actually read this about 3 years ago, but I want to read it again)

Without a Map by Meredith Hall

I think I am going to need more hours in my day....

I am required to read four complete non-fiction works in two genres, i.e. biography, memoir, current events, history, or literary journalism, over the course of the next 10 weeks (500 word summaries required). In addition to those, I must read two other books, Three Cups of Tea and one other on women, globalization and culture (comparative book review required), and there's the essay book and the textbook to read also. All of these also require discussion board participation. It's a good thing I finally trained Kayleigh to play quietly in her room while the others are taking naps; she even falls asleep half the time. I am choosing the reading track for this course; there is a writing and a conference track available, but I think the reading one fits my taste right now. I wouldn't mind trying my hand at writing creative non-fiction sometime in the future; it appeals to my editorial writer aspiration. My exposure to the genre is very limited, so I am looking forward to reading more of it this summer.

Anyone have suggestions on what four books I should read? I was thinking of reading two memoirs and two works of literary journalism. I don't get out much, so I have no idea of what's out there.

Eureka!!

I think I have found the trick to get Kayleigh to stop sucking her fingers! JellyBeans! I set a time frame, say 30 minutes, and if she doesn't suck fingers during that time frame, she gets a JellyBean. I also enroll her friends to tattle on her (I know, it's mean, oh well).

Something I am not looking forward to....taking the pacifier away from William. I should have listened to all the baby books that tell you take it away before 6 months of age. He is only allowed to have it if he is in bed, so it should be a little easier, but this is not going to be fun!

Something I am looking forward to.....my summer class, Literary Non-fiction. From glancing at the required books, this looks to be a pretty fun course!

Well, kids are climbing the walls...literally!

Stacation

Since Saturday we've been practicing for what it'll be like when we're empty nesters. Or at the minimum have kids old enough to supervise themselves to some extent. Our kiddos have been at grandparents since then (1/2 with mine, 1/2 with Michelle's), and we'll get them back Thursday.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've been tempted to drop in on them to see them and hang out, but it has been wonderful being able to get a lot of stuff done around the house that is difficult with the two little ones. That and Michelle is able to help out rather than constantly being hounded by kids. We've painted the kitchen and foyer, finished painting a lot of door trim, prepped The Boy's room for painting, and prepped the living room. We've also done a massive spring cleaning effort and took a carload of stuff to CCA. And I put in a new garage door opener.

This is our vacation. I actually read a term that calls it a Stacation (Stay at Home Vacation) Yeah, doesn't sound "fun" does it. But, I actually do feel good because we've gotten a lot of stuff done that I've been wanting to get done and it feels good to have it completed. But it's not all work and no play. We've had "date night" every night of the week. We've seen 2 movies in the theater and it's been probably 6 months to a year since we've gotten to do that. And Michelle got a hottie mom haircut.

We were going to go on a cruise for our vacation, but ended up needing to cancel. Then we were going to rent a condo on the beach for a few days, but felt that the money there would be better spent doing these things around the house. We also got a new mattress a couple weeks ago when we decided we weren't going anywhere. But, since I still had grandparent's lined up to watch the kids, I wasn't going to let them off the hook that easy. Hence the empty house right now.

Alright, the day is starting. I've got 6 doors to rout and hang and then I've got to get my garage cleaned back up from being the workspace to park vehicles back in again.

Woo Hoo!! Final project for the Women's Studies course is complete and submitted! I am so glad to be done with that course. Not that it wasn't interesting or eye-opening in many cases, but it's nice to be finished with school for a month or so.

In other news....

It's official, we will be Sonlighters for at least the next year or three! I am excited about starting this curriculum with Kayleigh and the other kiddos I watch. I think a little more structure to their day will help with the bickering that has started happening daily. They seem to get tired of each other sooner than they used to, plus Kayleigh loves "doing school". Sonlight is literature based, so I'll pretty much be reading stories to them all year and adding phonics and math where appropriate. I have three different levels to teach to, so it should be interesting. There's Kayleigh who can read any three to four letter word with a short vowel sounds. Then there are two who are ready to learn letter sounds and beginning words. And then there's William who just needs to be introduced to the alphabet and numbers. All this curriculum planning makes me think about opening a preschool...but I really don't want all the business hassles of that!

The idea of homeschooling it still pretty scary to me. I worry that somehow I am going to mess up their education by not teaching something correctly. Then I worry that they will have social dysfunctions. But I really feel homeschooling is the best thing for them right now....we are taking it one year at a time, one kid a time.

Guess who this is......

PS: a certain someone named Nathan should have a good idea!

Somebody Got Herself a New Grill

You read that pronoun right. Michelle made me give in an go buy a new grill. I so frugal/stingy/cheap (pick your adjective) that I've been wanting one but never could bring myself to pull the trigger on it. But Michelle wanted to have more grilled meals and since my old one was such a piece of junk, they never turned out right.

Since today was gorgeous and we had been cooped up inside most of the day priming our master bathroom for painting (pictures to follow), it was a great opportunity to eat outside. I suppose next I need some real outdoor furniture.

A few months ago my mom came back from my Granny's with a bag of yarn...this is the first finished project from that bag. The pattern was for infants, but I did some tweaking that actually worked and it fits the girl. I'm not sure how Daddy is going to feel about the open back, but I think it will be cute even with a tank top underneath.

I have never quite understood how such little people can make so much noise! Right now I feel like I am in an elevator with a 12 piece brass band! I can't wait for lunch because when their mouths are full of food there is a brief moment of silence! Usually the chaos doesn't bother me, but today it's about to drive me nuts!

SNOW!!!

Amazing Finds

#1--I am not what one would call a "natural" teacher...my mother-in-law is and I am totally amazed at how she turns almost everything into some kind of learning experience. I wish I had that gift, but since I do not, I like to surf the net for free resources. A couple days ago I came across this website: Hubbard's Cupboard. I haven't had the chance to look at all of it, but what I have seen looks pretty cool. She has a whole list of Bible verses set to song for memorization that I might have to use for myself! I am thinking of using the 4's curriculum with Kayleigh next year; it seems like something she would enjoy.

#2--This past Sunday I picked up a book from the church library(check it out if haven't lately), Choices by Mary Farrar, wife to Steve Farrar. I was totally captured by these words in the Intro:

"As the struggle (internal) continued, I felt a sense of--dare I say it--futility creeping into my life. It wasn't that I minded doing the laundry or cleaning the mildew out of the shower. But I was discovering something I didn't expect. Isolated from the outside world and enveloped in the daily demands of caring for a home, I was finding the gap between the home and the outside world to be far greater than I had ever imagined."

This is exactly the struggle I have been feeling for quite some time, but couldn't put my finger on what words to describe it. The first few chapters explain how the make-up of the home has change drastically over the last 150 years or so. The word "work" used to describe what a woman does daily within her home: raising and educating her children, keeping house, sewing, cooking, etc. Now "work" is something you do outside of the home...think about it, we call women who choose to stay at home "stay-at-home" moms, like all they do is sit around the house all day., instead of describing the as "work-at-home" moms. The modern feminist movement grew out of women losing their sense of value and importance as the makers and keepers of the home. I have not finished the book, but I'll let you know my final thoughts when I do.

Well , I have work to do...talk at ya later.

****Bragging Wife Alert****

I was thinking this morning that I brag about my children way more than I do about my husband. It's so easy to let the kids take the focus of my life simply because they have the bulk of my time and attention right now. Justin was around before they came along and will hopefully be with me much longer than they will., so I spent the morning thinking about all the reasons I am proud of him. I think when you live with someone day in and day out you tend to get focused on everything that drives you batty about them. Taking time to list what you admire about them really changes your perspective. So, in no particular order:

• He is an amazing financial planner and we rarely have any debt; which in this society says a lot.
• He cares about providing a stable present and future for me and the kiddos, and therefore, works hard at what he does.
• The line of work he is in generally requires a college degree, but he's so intelligent that he can do it without one.
• Just because he has a good job without having a degree, doesn't mean he isn't diligently working towards one.
• Somehow he balances work, family, church, school and all his other responsibilities without going crazy.
• He is supportive of my desire to stay home with the kiddos, even though me going to work would relieve some of the stress he feels about providing for us.
• He is an awesome servant...if someone has a need and he can fill it, he's there. That's why he served as a preschool Sunday School coordinator for about two and a half years despite the fact that he really doesn't like small children (unless they belong to him, even then it's questionable).
  
• I am not the easiest person to live with, but he is patient with me and doesn't let on that I annoy him too much.

There's more, but my mind is having a hard time putting them into words.

This semester I am taking an introductory Women's Studies course, and while I am learning many facts I did not know previously, there are some facts I would rather not be aware of. For instance, while researching information on abortion for a reading response I came across this number....857,475. That's the total number of abortions reported for 2000. What I find even more disturbing is this number 1.4%, the percentage of abortions performed after 21 weeks gestation. Now 1.4% sounds like a small number, but 1.4% of 857.475 is 12, 004. Now does that number seem small? Most abortion supporters make themselves feel better because of this number: 87%--the percentage of abortion performed before 13 weeks. They rationalize, saying that the fetus isn't really a human being. Well, when I was pregnant with William, I had sonograms about every 3 weeks starting at 6 weeks gestation. I saw his heart beat when his little body was only 4 weeks old...now tell me, how is that not proof of his humanity.

Please do not misunderstand me...I am a realistic person who understands not everyone shares my believe on when life begins, so I do not believe abortion should be made illegal. I do believe, however, the procedure needs to be more controlled. Too many women see abortion as a means of birth control. I know one women in particular who had 9 before she was 27 years old. And it is obvious to me that if at least 857,475 unintended pregnancies occurred, women are seriously in the dark in regards to how their bodies and reproductive systems work. And don't get me started on the "safe sex" education debate...apparently women aren't listening.

Enough of my soap box...I'll get down now.

***Another Bragging Parent Alert***

So William doesn't feel left out.....I was beginning to wonder when this child would ever begin to speak, but in the last week he has started using about 10 words regularly. I think he knew how to say them all along and was just waiting until he had good reason to use them.

Here's his vocabulary:

"Mama"--finally!
"Ball"
"Door"
"Book"
"Drink"
"Bath"
"Down"
"Baby"
"Baba"--his pacifier
"Night-night"

While looking through some pictures, I found this one. I miss her little baby curls!

**Bragging Parent Alert**

Kayleigh was coloring yesterday and yelled out, "Mommy I wrote my name!". I, of course, blew it off thinking she had done her usually scribbling that she calls writing. Well, when I walked over to look at her paper this is what I saw:



Starting with the pink "K" is a pretty recognizable "Kaylei" followed by a scribble and an "h". Of course the "a" is backwards, but that's totally normal for a three-year old. I have not begun instructing her on handwriting, but I am beginning to think I might need to before she develops incorrect writing techniques. Right now we are concentrating on phonics and basic math with a little art and science thrown in. I was worried that I was beginning to school her too early, but she actually requests to "do school" on a regular basis, so I don't think I am rushing her into it.

So nuch to do, so Few Resources

Economics was defined to me as how to allocate scarce resources to the consumption or creation of goods and services.

I have plenty of goods I would like to consume, but not enough resources (defined for me as time and money).

An economics lesson sounds kind of odd for a post, but the topic is: home improvement

I have a massive list of things I would like to do to the house to update it and, in some instances, upgrade it. Mostly, though, it's updating which is unfortunately a necessity in order to maintain market value. I always have one foot out the door and want to make sure I can maximize my return of equity if I had to sell my house due to some catastrophic or unexpected event.

My list:

1. Replace 6 windows and a sliding door.
2. Add some more insulation to the attic.
3. Outside A/C compressor (I'm the kind of guy who would spend $4,000 to save $50 a month)
4. Replace carpet with wood or laminate flooring.
5. Replace the Living Room ceiling fan.
6. Purchase and install fans in the dining (soon to be study/den), master bathroom, and kitchen.
   
7. Closet organization for master closet
8. Paint: kitchen, living, breakfast, hallway, master bath, and Wm's room
9. Add skylights to the living room. It doesn't get any direct light.
10. Replace smooth front doors with 6 panel
11. Paint all the door trim white instead of definitely-dated-woody-brown.
12. Crown moulding
13. Captain's beds with built in drawers for the kids (not so much a home improvement as a furniture improvement)
14. Re-stain cabinets in kids bath, master bath, and kitchen
15. Texture walls in kitchen and master bath

I think that covers most of it. I'm probably missing some, but my wallet hurts already after typing that list. My number 1 is probably doing the door trim and painting rooms. That, more than any other, will make the most difference in the feel of the house.

So, what are some of everyone else's highest desire/priority projects around the house?
Of my list, what would anybody recommend I do first? (Tara, if you read this you can't answer since you're already telling me these things :) )

Another shameless advertisement....

I am selling some of my pre-fold cloth diapers and covers in the hopes I can raise enough capital to switch to Fuzzi Bunz for Mr. William. If you know anyone in the market please send them my way! Right now I have everything listed on Baby Cotton Bottoms Bargain Basement.

Ad Titles are:

"Huge lot of DSQ White Pre-folds"
"Bumkins Diaper Covers"
"Alexis Feather-lite Pull-Ons"
"6 Small Snugglebottoms"

Sadly, I have been using disposable full-time since September because prefolds were just too hard to use with 6 kiddos running around. Plus, they just don't make clothes that fit over bulky diapers anymore. I am feeling guilty about all the diapers I am putting in the trash!

I'm so excited! Justin took me to Barnes and Noble for my birthday, where I promptly searched out the knitting and crochet sections and picked out the above. I am in love with this book! And since I don't have any babies to make gifts for, my first project from this book will be an awesome cardigan for ME!!!

I think Kayleigh has watched The Little Mermaid a little too much...she's in the other room coloring and singing "Part of that World". It's cute.

Shameless Advertising

If anybody knows someone looking to buy a nice used dining set and hutch, or a coffee table and end table send me a note and I'll give you details.

Michelle came up with a new arrangement for our couch and loveseat that makes it a little better for conversating when all seats are taken up and for also watching tv from all seats. But, the caveat is that our rectangular-ish coffee table doesn't work so well. She wants a round ottoman for putting tired feet up for maximum comfort. She also doesn't like the current table because her legs are too short to reach. I, on the other hand, have no problems :)

The dining set we just don't use. I have persuaded Michelle of the merits of having an office/billpaying/study/schoolwork/me work from home space in the house. I personally hate formal dining rooms. With several exceptions, I believe it is a waste of space. Very few people really utilize the space enough to justify it's existence. So Michelle agreed that we can convert it. So we're trying to sell the furniture pieces to raise capital for the conversion.

I already have a reasonable computer hutch from Ikea that I plan to reuse, but it'll be nice to get some shelves, maybe a nice chair and lamp, and a ceiling fan. She likes the idea of shelves to have a library. If I could afford it, she would have me build her wall to wall shelves and fill it with books in a heartbeat. Her long-term goal, when the bulk of child-rearing is done, is to get a master's in Library Sciences and become a librarian. I'm ok with that, because then I'll have my own hot little librarian to brag about!

Well, time to finish cleaning house so I don't have it hanging over my head on my day off for MLK. My aim this whole day has been to do the domestic stuff so Michelle was able to have a lazy birthday. I think I did ok, but I know it could have been better.

Today is a movie day....the kids just seem to be in a bad mood, so I'm giving them some rest time while they watch Jonah. Maybe I'm the one in a bad mood and that just makes the kids seem worse; either way, I'm giving myself a break right now.

Today I feel tired. Just plain tired. Tired of being a mom, of being a wife, of watching other people's children, of going to school, of housework ( not that I do a whole lot, Justin helps me bunches in this department). I'm not depressed, it's probably just hormonal. What I really want is a vacation by myself....is that a bad thing? Just a couple days to just be by myself...to read a good book, work on some crochet projects, focus on Christ without time constraints or interruptions. I still haven't figured out how to juggle the whole being a wife, mother and pursuer of Christ dynamic. It seems earthly things fill up my time leaving no room for the spiritual. Of course this is probably why I feel tired...no spiritual food, or at least very little of it.

Last night I took a step to put more spiritual food into my soul. I went to a Bible study for the first time in three years. Justin and I do attend a minichurch, but they are all in the same boat we are...too much to do, with too little time to do it in...so we do not usually do indepth Bible studies, which is totally fine. This Bible Study is a women's group and we are going through James! I'm the youngest by about 10-15 years; in fact, I'm the age of most of the other women's children. I think my job this Spring will be just to sit back and take in all the wisdom I can from these women. I am so excited!

Well, I need to pay attention to my very busy, into everything, opening doors already son!

What Justin did with his time off...along with painting the playroom and staining cabinets to install in there for storage (my Christmas present)! I can't wait to store all the toys and craft stuff in one place.

I bought him this for his birthday, I'm such an awesome wife!